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All but This

Jun 15, 2024

There was a year, when I was a child, when my mother spent 3 months in California. One week of every month for the entire year, she flew out to California for training for her work. We absolutely hated it at the house, all four of us. Dad had to play Dad and Mom during that period of time every month, so it was always interesting. One of his signature dinner moves was the classic fish sandwich and sweet peas. Delicious of course. A core memory of mine. That said, all things considered, when Mama got back in the kitchen, it was a good day. When she wasn’t home, we had all but this, but when she was home we had all of it.

One of the perks of Mom’s monthly visits to Cali was the interesting cuisine that she brought back with her. I remember one instance in particular when she became enamored with a particular dish called adobo chicken. It was the Asian chicken dish that she had fallen in love with that week, and she wanted us to try it. Now, because my mother is who she is, she likes to experiment with her food sometimes, so, rather than just let us try straight adobo chicken, she decided to add it to a chili of sorts. I remember her sitting the bowls down in front of all of us at the dinner table. We prayed. Dad, my brother, my sister, and I all took bites simultaneously, as Mom watched to gauge our reaction.

My brother starts coughing. My Dad’s face starts turning a weird shade of red. My sister is running to the trash can, trying to spit the concoction out. I don’t know why, but suddenly I was crying and my mouth was on fire. I may be exaggerating a bit, but the point I’m trying to get across is that IT. WAS. SPICY. Mom gets up and goes to get her recipe sheet, all flustered, trying to figure out what went wrong. “Oh”, she says after a minute or two. “The recipe called for ONE chili pepper, I put in ONE CAN of chili peppers!”. Needless to say, none of us finished that adobo chicken chili bowl. All but this was right in the dish. Every other ingredient was added to the chili properly, but missing the mark on that one measurement messed the entire dish up (and hurt our stomachs in the process).

Today we’re going to talk about a king who got everything right except one thing. In all but this he was correct. He followed all the directions but one in the recipe that God gave him, and the consequences were enormous. Let’s read our passage first…

Thus saith the Lord of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt.

3 Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.

4 And Saul gathered the people together, and numbered them in Telaim, two hundred thousand footmen, and ten thousand men of Judah.

5 And Saul came to a city of Amalek, and laid wait in the valley.

6 And Saul said unto the Kenites, Go, depart, get you down from among the Amalekites, lest I destroy you with them: for ye shewed kindness to all the children of Israel, when they came up out of Egypt. So the Kenites departed from among the Amalekites.

7 And Saul smote the Amalekites from Havilah until thou comest to Shur, that is over against Egypt.

8 And he took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.

9 But Saul and the people spared Agag, and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings, and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them: but every thing that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly.

10 Then came the word of the Lord unto Samuel, saying,

11 It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king: for he is turned back from following me, and hath not performed my commandments. And it grieved Samuel; and he cried unto the Lord all night.

12 And when Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning, it was told Samuel, saying, Saul came to Carmel, and, behold, he set him up a place, and is gone about, and passed on, and gone down to Gilgal.

13 And Samuel came to Saul: and Saul said unto him, Blessed be thou of the Lord: I have performed the commandment of the Lord.

14 And Samuel said, What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in mine ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?

15 And Saul said, They have brought them from the Amalekites: for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen, to sacrifice unto the Lord thy God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.

16 Then Samuel said unto Saul, Stay, and I will tell thee what the Lord hath said to me this night. And he said unto him, Say on.

17 And Samuel said, When thou wast little in thine own sight, wast thou not made the head of the tribes of Israel, and the Lord anointed thee king over Israel?

18 And the Lord sent thee on a journey, and said, Go and utterly destroy the sinners the Amalekites, and fight against them until they be consumed.

19 Wherefore then didst thou not obey the voice of the Lord, but didst fly upon the spoil, and didst evil in the sight of the Lord?

20 And Saul said unto Samuel, Yea, I have obeyed the voice of the Lord, and have gone the way which the Lord sent me, and have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.

21 But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the chief of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice unto the Lord thy God in Gilgal.

22 And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

1 Samuel 15:2-23

So, as we come upon our subject today, we see that Saul is in active combat with the Amalekite people. The Amalekites were a pagan nation that had forsook God’s actively sought to hurt God’s people, and, as such, God had ordered them to be destroyed. Now, we’re not going to dance around the elephant in the room. Many people look at the earlier part of this passage to give evidence of God’s supposed callousness and evil. Yes, verse 3 says that God commanded both woman and child to be slain as well. A couple of things to note before we move on…

God had said He would destroy the Amalekites in Exodus 17:14 when He told Moses to tell Joshua that He would blot out the name of Amalek from under heaven. We see in the Bible how God gives people multiple chances. Indeed, the wicked Ninevites, which were to be destroyed in the book of Jonah, received grace and pardon. Evidently, the Amalekites hadn’t responded to all of the second chances between Exodus 17 and 1 Samuel 15. That was a long time to ignore God between the time of Moses and Saul. Judgment was due!
In regards to the children,
1. it’s important to see that we are ALL born into sin, including children.
  1. (Psalms 51:5) Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
2. Everyone deserves death for their sins.
  1. (Romans 5:12) Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
3. We know from Job 1:21 that the Lord giveth and He taketh away. He is sovereign over life and death. Also, we can look at 2 Samuel 12:23 to see that children who die before the age of accountability go to be with the Lord.
4. In His omniscient power, the Lord knew that it was better to take those children to be with Him in glory, rather than letting them grow to undoubtedly hate and despise and reject Him, as their fathers and mothers had done. Since they too would have to answer for sin and death, God saw fit to take them in an act of mercy.

Trash the bad, stash the good.

So God has ordered the complete annihilation of the Amalekite people, and He has assigned Saul to do it. However, we see Saul drop the ball. In verses 8 and 9, we see that, while he UTTERLY DESTROYED all the people with the edge of the sword, he took Agag the king of the Amelites alive, and the best of all the livestock.

8 And he took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.

9 But Saul and the people spared Agag, and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings, and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them: but every thing that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly.

1 Samuel 15:8-9

The first thing we need to see here this morning is that Saul trashed the bad and stashed the good. He got rid of the things he considered junk and kept the things that HE considered to be valuable. By keeping Agag and the good livestock, Saul was setting himself up for financial and political success. Good livestock was almost considered another form of currency. A man with much cattle had much wealth. Additionally, having a rival king in your custody showed the rest of the world that you were powerful. By toppling a nation’s king, and holding him in your court, you showed your nation, and the surrounding nations, that you were strong and a force to be reckoned with. You benefitted both at home and abroad in the political scene with this kind of move.

I say all this to say that this was a calculated move by Saul. He didn’t just stumble upon a group of well-groomed livestock and a fallen king. He made a potential effort to preserve and take these things for himself.

The word in verse 9 translated as good means “beauty in the widest sense”. In other words, It was essentially anything that Saul and the people thought was pleasing to their eyes. The reality probably was that there wasn’t a real plan or reason for keeping the livestock and Agag, outside of the fact they saw something they thought was good, they wanted it, so they kept it.

The vile or refuse could be translated as “the worthless and the unwanted”. This was the stuff that held no value in the eyes of the beholders. This was the stuff that didn’t stand to benefit Saul or the people.

Still, we see the command of the Lord was clear. All of it goes. Everything is wiped. However, in Saul’s mind, it was the bad goes and the good stays. How did Saul and the people determine what was good? Well, he looked at it with his earthly sight and he made the wrong call. They kept what they saw as good and destroyed what they thought was bad. They were looking at the situation through their eyes, not the Lord’s.

Cherrypicking with God.

Our first point of application… sometimes we like to do all but this and cherry-pick with God. We don’t mind destroying what WE see as vile, but we hold onto the stuff that WE see as good and blow God off in the process.

I used to despise eating Lucky Charms after my siblings as a child. If the box of Lucky Charms was unopened, I knew I had a shot, but sometimes I wouldn’t even bother with it if I saw that it was opened. Why? Well… I had both a little brother and a little sister who loved marshmallow candy but weren’t always crazy about the boring grain cereal that accompanied it. As a result, sometimes you’d shake the Lucky Charms out of the box into the bowl, and you’d find out real quick you were flat out of luck because the marshmallow charms were gone! All that was left was the vile tasteless grain cereal!

They took what they saw as good, and they left the rest behind in the box. We sometimes do that with God’s laws and commandments.

I’d say most of us don’t have a problem following God’s command of “thou shalt not murder”. But how are we doing with “thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain”?
Sometimes it’s easier to put 10% in the offering plate than it is to stop running your mouth about Sister So and So three rows back in the church.
Some people don’t have a problem with putting 1 John 4:8 (the “God is love” passage) into practice, but they fail to follow the command of 2 Timothy 2:15 and rightfully divide the word of truth and speak out against sin with the Word of the Lord.

This isn’t just out in the world folks. This attitude is right here in “Christian” churches

The United Methodist Church’s General Conference meeting in Charlotte, North Carolina (April 23-May 3, 2024) took action to remove from the Book of Discipline all language that restricts or singles out non-heterosexual people for disparate treatment. Homosexuality is officially allowed now. They cherrypicked and chose to ignore God’s word where He says in Leviticus 20:13 that man should not lie with a man and as with a woman.

13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Leviticus 20:13

Burger King had a very popular ad campaign centered around the words “Have it your way”. I’m here to tell you this morning that Heaven isn’t Burger King and God isn’t ringing up anybody’s Number 5 with no pickle at the cash register! You can’t have it your way. When it comes to how you and I relate to Christ, it’s God’s way or no way. All or nothing.

Remember how I said the word in verse 9 translated as good means “beauty in the widest sense”? In our natural state, we will see beauty in (and thus desire things) that are not good for us. Eve saw the beauty in the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. She desired the fruit more than she desired to stay true and faithful to God’s command to abstain from the fruit. Thus, she and Adam ate and the sin curse entered humanity.

People today see beauty in things that aren’t good for us. We desire things that don’t bring us benefit

Somewhere down the line, we got the idea that it was beautiful for everyone to live their truth apart from God. So now people look at men dancing seductively, caked in make-up, wearing dresses at drag shows and we call it good. It’s not good. It’s perverted and disgusting.
Somewhere down the line, we got the idea that modern-day feminism was beautiful. It is beautiful for women to be completely independent from men. It’s oppressive to be a mother and homemaker. It’s better to shun the idea of the nuclear family and the importance of raising children. And we wonder why kids run wild today.
Somewhere down the line, we got the idea that it was good to have cultural Christianity pervade our land and our churches. We desire a cultural Christianity more than a relationship with God. If you’re the type that gets all jacked up when you start talking about the government taking prayer out of the schools, or taking “In God We Trust” off the license plates, but you’re going to go home today and binge-watch a filthy TV show, or gossip on Facebook, you’ve fallen prey to cultural Christianity. You like the idea of having God in the culture you live IN, but you don’t live it yourself.
- As a side note, we didn’t start to go wrong when we took prayer out of the schools, we started going wrong when we started expecting the schools to teach kids morals and godly values, rather than fathers and mothers in the home. When we decided to let the culture inform the next generation about who God was, rather than the parents.

So, I need you to identify in your life this morning. What is the thing you call good that God has called bad? What is the command that you are cherrypicking from in how you live your life in relation to Christ?

Maybe you’re like the fella I heard about one time who said, “I don’t smoke, I don’t chew, and I don’t mess with the girls that do”. Yeah.. you know what else doesn’t do any of that? A fence post. You’re no closer to God than a fence post would be if your entire outlook is “let me cherrypick my checkboxes of service to the Lord” That man was really proud about that, but he had other sinful vices in his life that he took joy and pleasure in. We’re either all in for God, or we are out.

Note that Saul destroyed that which was vile and refuse UTTERLY. Utterly is written there to show us emphasis. The Israelites performed an intense extermination. I need you to get the idea of burning something to a crisp and leaving nothing but ash and smoke. They destroyed with a sense of purpose and determination. Had they taken this vigor all the way, and destroyed ALL that God commanded them to, they would have been alright, but they stopped short. In the battle against the Amalekites, they gave up too soon.

This goes to show me this morning that I can have vigor and determination to follow the Lord’s plan and will, but if I don’t maintain that mindset throughout the ENTIRE trial, or the ENTIRE battle, or the ENTIRE test, then I am not following the Lord as I should. If the vigor only exists in certain parts of my walk with Christ, then I am not walking as close to Him as I should be. Many Christians today don’t lack enthusiasm for the Lord. They can get worked up with some good praise reports, some good music, or some animated preaching. What we lack is an enthusiasm that STAYS with us through the battles and trials. We allow the world to seep in and suck it away. We allow vices to slip in and dampen that passion we should have for Christ. I can be passionate in my praise of Christ on Sunday, but do I behave the same way on Monday? I can be passionate for the Lord in my acts of service for others, but am I passionate in my personal prayer life? Don’t make the mistake that Saul and the Israelites did and cherry-pick and stop short. Live every aspect of your life to the fullest for Jesus Christ.

Secondly, I want you to see Saul’s response and reasoning…

A bleating sheep. All but this.

13 And Samuel came to Saul: and Saul said unto him, Blessed be thou of the Lord: I have performed the commandment of the Lord.

14 And Samuel said, What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in mine ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?

15 And Saul said, They have brought them from the Amalekites: for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen, to sacrifice unto the Lord thy God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.

16 Then Samuel said unto Saul, Stay, and I will tell thee what the Lord hath said to me this night. And he said unto him, Say on.

1 Samuel 15:13-16

Not only did Saul cherrypick from God’s commands, seeing beauty in something that wasn’t good for him. but the reasoning he provided brings about a good point of application for us today.

Notice that as Samuel comes to Saul in verse 13, what does Saul tell him? I have performed the commandment of the Lord. Seems like an odd way to greet someone who’s walking up on you, doesn’t it? It’s almost like he was anticipating Samuel saying something, so he was trying to beat him to the jump. I need you to get the idea of a kid with sticky hands and chocolate syrup on his shirt telling his mama that he wasn’t eating the ice cream she told him not to.

The Bible doesn’t say for sure, but in my mind, I see Saul biting his fingernails when he sees Samuel walking down the road from far away. He knows he’s messed up, so he’s got to figure out a way really quick to talk himself out of the predicament. The solution he comes up with is to stage the conversation in a positive light the minute Samuel arrives. He’s not going to give Samuel time to come to the wrong assumption. He’ll bless him in the Lord, then he’ll tell him that he’s living right and performing the Lord’s commands.

Now that Saul has the game plan in place, Samuel arrives and I imagine Saul rushing through his opener, hoping that the rounded-up livestock just over on the other side of the hill would quiet down for a minute.

Of course, we see in verse 14 that Samuel cuts through all the nonsense without skipping a beat. He pauses for a second, then asks Saul plainly why he hears sheep and oxen bleating.

Note the first word out of Saul’s mouth in verse 15. It’s highlighted above.

THEY. Saul has failed to deflect and distract Samuel from his error, so he goes with the next best option… blame. Notice that the word “me” and the word “I” is never used in verse 15. They brought them from the Amalekites. The people spared the best of the sheep and the oxen. The only time Saul includes himself in the we is when he’s talking about following the Lord’s commands to destroy something.

Now… I’m not a theologian, nor would I consider myself an expert on all of the Bible, but I’m pretty sure that, in the Bible, the kings had authority over their people. They carried responsibility for the actions of their people. They led and directed their people. This means that Saul had the say-so to say no, but he didn’t. HE kept the things that he considered to be valuable remember?

I need you to see that Saul has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He is a deer in headlights. He knows full well what Samuel wants from the question, but, rather than own up to his shortcomings, Saul passes the blame onto the people who God has entrusted him to lead.

What’s the point Sam?

The point is that whatever sheep you hear bleating in your life right now is your responsibility, and no one else’s.

We get asked the same question by the Holy Spirit today that Samuel asked Saul. Have you ever gotten that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know you’ve done something wrong? Have you felt that twinge of shame or disgust? That’s called conviction, and it comes through the Lord calling you to task, asking you to get right. Jesus is asking you why you haven’t obeyed fully. You’re on the right track by being in God’s house and sitting under God’s preaching. You’re obeying partially. But some of you know deep down that you haven’t done all that God has asked of you.

In fact, I’d wager to say there are people right here reading this who are feeling that itch. You’ve got it in your chest right now. It’s that bleating sound. You hear that sheep making a noise in your head. It’s loud. It’s trying to drown out that conviction. It’s trying to drown out your will to make a change in your life today and follow Christ fully. It’s that attitude that the Lord told you to get rid of but you wanted to keep. It’s that thing that you worship that God calls evil. It’s that idol that you see as valuable but God wants to be destroyed.

Maybe it’s an idol of pride. You’re a Pharisae, and you look down on people who you view as less than. The unclean and the impure. You don’t want those types around. You’ve forgotten that Jesus ate with the sinners and the publicans. You’ve forgotten how Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery in John 8, healed the demonic man among the tombs in Mark 5, and had His feet washed by the tears of a woman of ill reputation in Luke 7.
Maybe it’s an idol of self reliance. You don’t need anybody or anything. You get yours, whether you have to lie, cheat, or steal. You know you can’t depend on anyone because you look at all the failed relationships in your past as proof. You may deflect, but the reality is you’re number one in your world, and you watch out for yourself first at the expense of your friends, your partner, your parents, your kids, your coworkers, and everyone else. You put yourself and your wants over the will of the Lord Jesus Christ in your life. How’s that working out?
Maybe it’s an idol of bitterness and anger. Something happened in your past. Maybe you played a part in what caused it or maybe it was something that was out of your control. But you’ve held onto the angst and the hurt so long you’re afraid to let go of it because you don’t know what would fill that space that it has taken up in your heart.
Maybe it’s an idol of laziness and lukewarmness. Revelation 3:15-18 has something to say about that…

15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

17 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:

18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.

Revelation 3:15-18

You’re no longer seeking to grow in the Lord. You’re stagnant. He is asking you to go further, but you’re refusing to obey fully. You’re content to sit where you’ve always sat, sing what you’ve always sung, and run the same circles you’ve always run. God wants more of us folks.

Sam, what does any of that have to do with Saul blaming people?

Because, right now, you’re at risk of doing the same thing. Sitting here reading this, you’re THIS CLOSE to doing the SAME. THING. It’s easier to shift the blame to others than it is to handle your own problems, isn’t it?

I know firsthand. I’ll openly admit it now because the statute of limitations has run out, but I was the oldest of three. I knew all about blaming my younger siblings for things. In my youth, I masterminded many dumb plans that I then tried to get out of when they backfired. Turns out that jumping out of a swing when you’re swinging fast and don’t weigh a lot doesn’t let you fly. And doing belly flops into a pool won’t magically toughen up your core and give you six-pack abs.

In all seriousness though, it’s easy to blame others for the bleating sheep in our own lives.

Our Pharisaical views don’t come from the fact that WE aren’t properly exhibiting the love of Christ. It’s simply us believing ourselves to hold to a higher standard because THEY (the other people) aren’t living for Christ as they should.
Our self reliance view doesn’t stem from the fact that WE aren’t properly trusting and relying on God. Rather, we have to be self-reliant because we believe THEY (a parent, a friend, an ex, a boss, a fellow believer) wronged us.
Our bitterness and anger aren’t the results of OUR refusal to forgive and exhibit grace and pour our problems out to the Lord in prayer. No, it’s because THEY (the person we feel hurt us) damaged the relationship and took something away from us that we didn’t want to lose.

Do you see how this mindset continues to perpetuate? We blame others (and sometimes we may even blame the Lord!) because many of us simply choose to stick our heads in the sand, as Saul did, and refuse to admit that we played a part in creating the problem.

Sent on a new journey

16 Then Samuel said unto Saul, Stay, and I will tell thee what the Lord hath said to me this night. And he said unto him, Say on.

17 And Samuel said, When thou wast little in thine own sight, wast thou not made the head of the tribes of Israel, and the Lord anointed thee king over Israel?

18 And the Lord sent thee on a journey, and said, Go and utterly destroy the sinners the Amalekites, and fight against them until they be consumed.

19 Wherefore then didst thou not obey the voice of the Lord, but didst fly upon the spoil, and didst evil in the sight of the Lord?

1 Samuel 15:16-19

Here we see that God elevated Saul. He blessed Saul. God brought Saul from a little to a lot, God sent Saul on a journey to glorify GOD, not Saul, by destroying the wicked Amalekites.

What did Saul do with his elevated position as king, what did he do with the blessing of God on his life? He flew upon the spoil and did evil in the sight of the Lord. He came upon all that wealth and he just HAD TO HAVE IT FOR HIMSELF.

We do the same thing today. Matthew 5:45 tells us that God rains down blessings on both the just and the unjust, but it seems sometimes that the just act just like the unjust and ignore God when those blessings materialize. They don’t give Him the glory for it.

45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Matthew 5:45

God is elevating some of you today. He’s sending some of you on new journeys. Maybe you’re building new relationships with people, rebuilding damaged ones, or maybe your careers are taking positive turns. Maybe you’ve gotten a good report from the doctor, or that new medicine is working, or you’re closing in on accomplishing your next big dream. When those blessings materialize, are you going to take them for yourself as Saul did, or are you going to take the blessings the Lord gives you and use them to return praise to Him?

Will you obey the voice of the Lord in your life? How will you handle the bleating sheep in your life?

That vice in your life is your responsibility to address. God will not force you to drop it. God didn’t strike the sheep and oxen dead when Saul and the people decided to keep them instead of following God’s commands. He let them hold onto it. But, looking at this Scripture, I think you know as well as I do that God wanted their obedience more than their sheep. I tell you today… once you’ve identified the bleating sheep in your life. Get. Rid. Of. It. Don’t stay in a state of giving Him all but this. Own the fact that you made a mistake, ask God for forgiveness, get rid of the sheep, and move past it. As long as you’re still breathing, the decision is yours to reject your flesh and follow the Lord. Let the new journey that God is sending you on be one that glorifies Him and not you. Don’t make the mistake that Saul and the Israelite people made.

This brings us to the third and final point…

Inward heart more than outward action

22 And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, He hath also rejected thee from being king.

1 Samuel 15:22-23

Thirdly, we need to see that God delights more in the inward heart than the outward action. You see, there were two ways to get rid of those oxen and sheep. Saul could have done it the right way and killed them in the battle as the Lord had commanded, or he could have sacrificed all of them to the Lord after the fact.

Now (knowing what we know about Saul elsewhere in Scripture) and considering the fact that he just lied in verse 13, I’m not entirely sure of the validity of Saul’s statement when he says that they were going to offer all the livestock as a sacrifice, but let’s assume for the sake of the argument he was being truthful.

One of these choices was God’s command (kill it all in the battle).

The other choice was man’s super-Christian plan (kill it by sacrifice to the Lord).

So… with the second choice, not only do you fulfill God’s command by destroying all the oxen and sheep, but you ALSO get brownie points with God because you’re going above and beyond by killing it all AFTER the battle as sacrifices to God. You’re gonna have sweet-smelling savors going up into heaven from the offering fire all night long. It’s gonna be great right?

No.

God’s command will always supersede man’s plan.

Samuel Howell

God’s command will always supersede man’s plan. God’s thoughts on the matter take precedence over ours. He was clear, and Saul and the people ignored Him and did it their own way, trying to pass it off as being a way to honor the Lord.

Ask yourself, am I living by God’s commands or my plans?

Let’s go back to verse 21 for a minute….

Verse 21 says that the people took that which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice to the Lord.

Friend, there are things that we are trying to give to God that God doesn’t want. He doesn’t want your spirit of independence apart from Him. He doesn’t want the puffed-up pride you walk into church with because you have your suit on and your shiny shoes, or your Sunday dress and nice perfume.

I know of people who sing praise music because they like being front and center. They sing for the applause and attention of others.
I know of people who “give testimony” because they just want to spread all the juicy details to everyone else.
I know of people who tithe because they want to throw their money around in the church to get what they want
I know of people who read the Bible as an academic exercise. They want to be seen as knowledgeable and holy in the eyes of man. They don’t want to talk to the Lord one-on-one and see what He has to say.

God doesn’t want any of those acts of service. Those “sacrifices” are things made with an attitude that God wants utterly destroyed.

God doesn’t want your religion, He wants you to have a relationship with Him. He doesn’t want you to align your words with His, He wants you to align your will with His.

Samuel Howell

Have you done that today?

Remember, to obey is better than to sacrifice.

Have you obeyed the voice of the Lord today, admitting that Jesus alone is Savior and surrendering your life completely to Him, or are you still just offering outward sacrifices? Are you still just making nice gestures? Are you living as the tomb is in Matthew 23:27, just trying to look clean and holy on the outside while the dead men’s bones on the inside stink and rot? Is your heart one with the Lord, or is this just a game to you?

Don’t just read. Apply.

If that sheep in your heart has been steadily bleating as you’ve read this post, I plead with you to handle it today. Jesus asked me as I prepared this, “Sam, what meaneth then this bleating of sheep in my ears”. You see, I had told the Lord, “God, I’m following you, I’m all in”, and through the Holy Spirit, He showed me some areas where I was falling. He showed me some parts of my life that weren’t honoring Him, and He asked “Son, how are you going to handle this? To obey is better than to sacrifice. I know you’ve sacrificed in some areas, but both you and I know that this needs to be gotten rid of in your life.”

Verse 22 ends with the phrase and to hearken is better than the fat of rams.

The word hearken there means to hear and give heed to. I’m telling you it’s better to hear these words. Give heed unto the warning God is giving us and get rid of the sheep and the oxen the right way. God is speaking in hearts. He spoke in mine. I have no doubt He is speaking in yours. Are you hearing it? Are you regarding what He is trying to teach you?

If so, then now is the time to do business with the Lord. If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior, but you want to, today is the day. Contact me on socials (links at the bottom). We’ll go through the steps of what it means to be saved, so you can be sure of your salvation in Jesus Christ, ready to live a life of obedience to Him.

If you do know Jesus as your Savior today, but the Holy Spirit is convicting you of some sheep that are still bleating in your life, will you take time today and make it right? Take the time to bow your head, confess your sins, and ask the Lord to renew a right spirit within you, so that you may walk closer to Him going forward than you ever have before. Don’t give Jesus all but this. Give Him all of it.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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A Fish Wish

Mar 20, 2024

I don’t know if ya’ll remember this, but when I was a little kid, there were these sweet snacks that I was fascinated with. Mama didn’t let us eat them a lot (she was all about feeding her babies unprocessed foods, whole grain cereal, the fancy quart milk from the stores, etc.) but I saw them as a treat I could get my hands on periodically at daycare and school and other places. I had a fish wish.

They were these little, fish-shaped gummies named Swedish Fish.

I’m sure 6-year-old me thought Sweden was the coolest place in the world because American fish didn’t smell or taste nearly as good as Swedish Fish. I could get fish that taste like sweet berries, and oranges, and lemonade. So on and so forth. I didn’t care that Swedish Fish wasn’t good for me, I would’ve eaten that sugary candy all day long if you’d have let me. Thankfully, I grew out of that by the time I was a teen (chocolate is the only “candy” I really consume now), but for a time, I was all in for Swedish fish. I had a wish for some Swedish fish.

Sam, what does Swedish fish have to do with the Holy Word of God? Take the journey with me folks, we’re getting there.

4 And the mixt multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat?

5 We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

6 But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

7 And the manna was as coriander seed, and the colour thereof as the colour of bdellium.

8 And the people went about, and gathered it, and ground it in mills, or beat it in a mortar, and baked it in pans, and made cakes of it: and the taste of it was as the taste of fresh oil.

9 And when the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell upon it.

10 Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: and the anger of the Lord was kindled greatly; Moses also was displeased.

Numbers 11:4-10

With the Lord’s help, we’re going to spend a couple of minutes examining some people who, just like 6-year-old Sam, had a wish for some fish. But before we get there, let’s go ahead and get some background context on what we’re walking into.

Context

At this time, the children of Israel are on their way to the Promised Land. They have left Egypt, the Red Sea has been miraculously split into and they’ve walked across on dry land. The Lord has been going before them, a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. As they’ve been journeying, the Lord has been setting up the laws of the offerings. The structuring of the tabernacle. In Numbers 9:5, we’ve seen they’ve kept the first Passover in the wilderness of Sinai. In Numbers 10:12, we see that God has brought them from the wilderness of Sinai into the wilderness of Paran. They are steadily marching towards the destiny that God has waiting for them. They are going through challenges. They are moving from wilderness to wilderness, but God is steadily leading the way. He is leading visibly. The pillar of cloud and the pillar of fire were just as real as you and me sitting here this morning.

It was not enough for the children of Israel. Evidently, they became accustomed to the miracles. Evidently, they’d lived in the blessing and provision of God so long that they had lost their sense of awe and respect for Him. They’d forgotten about God’s wrath after they built the golden calf and danced before it naked in Exodus 32. 3000 men died in the aftermath. They’d forgotten about God’s wrath after the priests Nadab and Abihu, sons of the head priest Aaron, performed offerings God told them not to in Leviticus 10. God struck them dead, burning them with fire.

Time and time again, we see the children of Israel treat God flippantly, even after seeing his power, provision, might, and justice, on full display. In fact, right before our passage, in Numbers 11:1-3, we see the children of Israel have just gone through another one of these scenarios.

And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled;

2 And the people cried unto Moses; and when Moses prayed unto the Lord, the fire was quenched.

3 And he called the name of the place Taberah: because the fire of the Lord burnt among them.

Numbers 11:1-3

They’ve been complaining, we don’t know for what reason. But evidently, it had reached a level where the Lord decided punishment was in order. The fire of the Lord fell among the camp and people were consumed.

Wow Sam. Seems like the Lord is being a bit over-the-top. Burning people alive for a couple complaints?

This is a verse nonbelievers like to point at to explain why God isn’t someone we should follow. They say, “If He’s real, He’s an evil god waiting to smash you with His thumb, just like He did to His “chosen people” here”. People who hold this view are sadly mistaken.

Upon study, I found that “when the people complained” could also be translated, as “Now the people became truly murmurous, an offense to Yahweh’s ears”.

I say that to say, it may not be the exact complaining we think about today. The things the people said were a great offense to God. It could be they became so discontent and angry that they began blasphemg the name of the Lord. We simply don’t know. But we do know that God is just and righteous. The punishment was warranted.

Now some time has passed evidently. And we pick up in verse 4. Let’s begin unpacking what the Lord would have us to see.

The mixt multitude

4 And the mixt multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat?

Numbers 11:4

The first thing I need you to see here this morning is that there is a mixt multitude. A mixt multitude.

What does that mean? The original word that was translated to mixt means “a bunch of vagabonds”, or “a promiscuous assemblage”. This is the only time in the entire Bible this word is used. It’s the idea of the rabble. Just a bad group of people. The Lord decided to use this word because He wanted us to know that this group was not just the Israelites that had exited Egypt. Along the journey to the Promised Land, they’d picked up some outside influences. They’d come into contact with some outside people groups and cultures. For all we know, as they passed through Sinai and Paran, vagabonds were joining them on the way. People who were down and out on their luck. Vagabonds who wanted to see something new. After all, a huge group of over a million people led by a miraculous pillar of fire and cloud come walking by your town, that may have been seen by some as the golden ticket to the adventure of a lifetime.

So they joined the journey. Thus, over time, the Israelites that departed from Egypt came also to include a mixt multitude among them, as verse 4 says.

Well, those outsiders may have been walking alongside Israel, but they weren’t walking alongside Israel’s God. Even though God was evidently raining manna down for them too, they refused to see God as their provision. The Bible says they fell a lusting. They desired and craved and longed for more than what the Lord was giving them. They talked about it and complained about it.

There are people like that in the world today folks. They may be in the church, they may be in the culture, or they may just be in the world in general, but they’re benefiting from the blessings of God while lusting after the things of the world.

They may be running with God’s people, but God is not their master and savior. Be wary of them. Be wary lest they pull you to the side. They’ll remind you of all the pleasures you can have with sin for a season. They’ll remind you of all the supposed freedoms you miss out on by binding yourself to submission to Jesus. This mixed multitude in verse 4 reminded the children of Israel of the meat and flesh of animals.

The mixed multitude of today’ll remind you of the pleasures of the flesh. The end result is the same. The hope is that you will join in with them. Misery isn’t the only one who likes company. Sin loves it as well. And we see this unfold here in verse 4.

Pretty soon, the children of Israel joined in with them. The Bible says they wept again.

Here’s what’s interesting though, Wept again isn’t talking about just crying. It’s not just talking about having physical tears coming out of your eyes. The word means to “turn back”. It has the same root as the word meaning apostasy, faithlessness, and falling away. It’s important that we know this because it shows that the mixt multitude led Israel down a path of faithlessness. What began as a few dissenters in the camp led to a widespread turning away from God. They turned back to their sin. They reverted back to lusting after the things of the world.

Two things to note. They got into the mixed multitude and they got over God’s blessings. Let’s talk about the first point, then hit verse 5 before we discuss the second part.

Getting into the mixt multitude

Notice how verse 4 starts versus how it ends. First, the lusting of the mixt multitude was among them. But by the end of the verse, they, the children of Israel, are the ones lusting after what they had before. No longer was the mixt multitude a fringe group with fringe beliefs and complaints. The children of Israel got right in there with them.

Growing up, eating at my Papa and Grandma’s house was always a treat. Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, it didn’t matter. My papa knew how to cook. You’d walk into the garage-turned-carpeted-playroom, smell the turkey basting in the rotisserie oven on top of the dryer in the laundry room off to the left, and you’d think you’d gone to heaven.

My best memories though were breakfasts. During summer break as kids, Mama’d drop us off over there before going to work and we’d have these huge breakfasts. As we got older and had summer jobs and such, we’d still make it a point to get up early some Saturdays and go to Papa and Grandma’s for those breakfasts. It’d only be 7 of us, Papa’d crack two or three dozen eggs, whip up plates of chocolate and regular pancakes, and cook 5 pounds of local sausage. We’d smother it in jam and butter and syrup and eat it all while drinking cold glasses of milk and downing cups of Tim Horton’s coffee.

It was during one of these breakfasts that Papa used a cup of that Tim Horton’s black coffee and taught me one of his many life lessons I’ll never forget. He poured a cup of that black coffee into a mug, then slipped a clear plastic straw into it. The black coffee came up into the straw as it rested in the cup. He then poured the creamer into the mug. All the coffee around that straw turned a warm tan color, but the black coffee trapped in the bottom half of the straw remained black.

He said, “son, this is what happens when you let a little bit of bad get into a lot of good”. He pulled the straw out and the entire cup of coffee became a shade darker as the black coffee, no longer trapped, mixed back in with the creamer-ized coffee around it.

It became more bitter and more dark because a little bit of bad got into a lot of good. The SAME THING happened with the Israelites. They let that tiny mixed multitude get in with them, and soon they were getting in with the mixed multitude, being bitter, murmuring, and complaining.

5 We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

6 But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

Numbers 11:5-6

Getting over God’s blessings

The picture could not be clearer folks. They are being given DIVINE fresh manna, (this sweet, soft wafer bread) EVERY MORNING THEY GOT A FRESH BATCH MIRACULOUSLY, and they are turning their nose up at it for garlic and onions and fish. Listen the contempt in verse 6. The drama.

And some of you are thinking Yeah Sam, but they’ve been eating that stuff for weeks, maybe even months. You’d probably get tired of it too. You’d probably be over it too.

Yes, and isn’t that the problem folks?

You need to see this. The children of Israel got over God’s blessings.

Have you ever gotten tired of one of God’s blessings? You ever been over it, ready to move on to the next thing?

Whoah now Sam, what are you saying? I’d never do that.

I’ve done it. I’ll shoot ya straight right now. The Lord gave me a good job and I eventually got over it. Started complaining about some of the work and some of the people. The Lord gave me a clean, nice, apartment close enough to work where I wouldn’t have Charleston traffic, and I got over it. I started complaining about my neighbors, my rent, my two flights of stairs, and my one parking spot. The Lord gave me a new opportunity, a new road to travel on, apart from my family and my friends back home, and, for a time, I was over it. I was bemoaning and complaining about the road the Lord wanted me to walk.

I’m not alone in getting over God’s blessings.

There are some men whom God has blessed with a good woman, and some women whom God has blessed with a good man. But they’ve gotten over it. What began as irritation about leaving toilet seats up or spending too much money on makeup products has morphed into silent treatment in the car and nights on the couch. What began as withholding simple conversation has now become withholding of yourself in the marriage bed. God gave them something good, the honeymoon wore off, they got over it, and now they complain about it.

God has blessed some with good churches. The preaching is Spirit-filled, the body of believers is strong, the outreach is funded, and the building is in good condition. But members get over it. They complain about the hymns (or they flip and complain about the drums). They complain about the lack of youth or the lack of laymen. They complain about the way the pastor dresses, or they complain about getting out after the buffet rush has started down the street.

Parents, God has blessed some of you with good kids. He’s given you the ability to support and nurture them. They make mistakes of course, but he’s given you the patience and wisdom to correct and guide. But you choose to get into yelling matches and complain about their disrespect while enabling them further.

Kids, God has blessed some with good parents. They love you and they want to see you grow and mature. They put food on the table and clothes on your back. They try to shield you from the evil that’s out there in the world, trying to destroy your purity and your innocence. But you got over it. You’d rather argue and fight with them. You’d rather dream of the day when you don’t have to listen to them anymore, and they can’t tell you what to do, and they can’t ground you.

I could keep going.

Ask yourself… is there a blessing in my life that God’s given me that I’ve gotten over? What is the manna in your life that you’re trying to throw away for some smelly garlic and fish today?

What were the Israelites REALLY doing in verse 5? They were looking back to a time of bondage, and they’re longing for it. It’s ironically funny that they used the word freely in verse 5, considering they were slaves in Egypt.

Let’s be real here. They weren’t just longing for the buffet at Golden Corral. They were reminiscing about the days of Exodus 1:22 when they were drowning all of the Hebrew boys in the river. They were wishing for the days of Exodus 2:11 when Egyptian slavemasters treated them like animals, cracking whips on their backs as they made bricks out of straw. That was the reality of what Egypt was for the Israelites. That was why they cried out to the Lord. Check this out…

And it came to pass in process of time, that the king of Egypt died: and the children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage.

Exodus 2:23

And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;

Exodus 3:7

And I have also heard the groaning of the children of Israel, whom the Egyptians keep in bondage; and I have remembered my covenant.

Exodus 6:5

Keep in mind, these are the SAME people who now want to go back.

Seems foolish when you really begin to think about it doesn’t it?

But we do the same thing.

If you’re saved this morning, God has freed you from the bondage of sin, but sometimes we want to go back, don’t we?

Some feel the temptation to go out and get drunk one more time.

Some feel the temptation to go sleep around one more time.

Some want to say something ugly about someone more time.

Some want to cuss someone out one more time.

Some want to look at some porn one more time.

Some want to shoot up, just one more time.

Sin’ll do that. Satan will tempt you with temporary pleasure in hopes of causing eternal pain. He wants the one time to turn into two times, then three. And so on.

Understand this, if you’re saved, the chains of sin that used to be shackled around your wrists are lying in a pile at your feet. Satan wants you to pick up those heavy chains and bind them back to your wrists, then he wants you to admire them as if you were wearing bracelets of gold and diamond jewelry. He can’t do it himself. His demons can’t do it. The only person who can put those chains back on you is you. The only person who can willfully submit you to sin is you.

Satan will do his best to help you get over God’s blessings. Because, if you forget the blessings, you will eventually forget the Blesser. If you take them for granted, you eventually take the One who gave them to you for granted.

Taking God for granted

There was once a little boy who didn’t like to see his grandma at Christmas. She was alright during the rest of the year, but he didn’t like seeing her at Christmas. Why? She always got him wool clothing. Every year, she made it a point to buy her grandchildren wool clothing every Christmas. Socks, mittens, caps. The little boy thought they looked ugly, and he didn’t like how itchy it was. Every year, he’d have to awkwardly smile and pretend to be thankful for his Grandma’s present. He wondered why she couldn’t be like other grandparents, and get him a bike, or a basketball, or a Nerf gun. It just wasn’t fair.

Then there came a week one winter when the power went out due to a bad ice and snow storm. The little boy and his family got snowed in. The roads were closed. They didn’t have a generator. All of a sudden, those warm wool clothes became a lot more important than the Nerf gun, the bike, and the basketball.

You see, that grandmother knew what it was like to live in a house with no heat. She had to do it often as a little girl. She had knowledge about the cold that that little boy didn’t. She didn’t want her grandkids to have to go through that, so she gifted them with those wool clothes.

Much in the same way, God has knowledge about your life you don’t. He knows what you’ve been through. He knows what you’re going through currently. He knows what’s coming down the road next. And there are times in life when he blesses you with things, and you look at them the exact same way that little boy was looking at those itchy wool clothes.

You take God for granted when you begin to lust after the life you lived before you began to walk with Him. That attitude is no different from the Israelites snubbing their nose at his divine provision for the wages of slave labor in Numbers 11:5-6. No different than when they physically wished for the life they had before walking with God in the desert, sustained by heavenly manna.

If God has you in a desert right now, are you wishing for Egypt (what you had before), or are you wishing for the Promised Land (the better future He’s bringing you to)? In this present moment in your life, if you were to stop and examine yourself, can you identify any areas of your life where you’re taking God and His blessings for granted?

If you can, it’s time to fix it.

It’s about time some of you spouses looked at each other straight in the eyes and reminded the other about what a blessing God has allowed them to be in your life. No relationship is perfect, but a relationship ordained by God and built on God and His principles will be a help to you, not a hurt.

It’s about time for some kids to quit huffing and complaining, and thank God for the Mama and the Daddy He’s placed them with. Lord knows not everyone gets to experience that blessing.

It’s about time for some of you to punch the clock with a smile on your face, excited for the opportunities the Lord’s gonna give you that day in the job He has placed you, rather than simply spending every day waiting for the 8 hours to drag by.

Now, I know this phrase is about to sound a bit weird in this situation, but let’s say we were to play devil’s advocate. Let’s say we continue to take the Lord’s blessings for granted. Let’s say we ignore the warning God is giving us today, and we continue to lust after the pleasures of the world. Let’s say the Lord’s working on your heart in this message right now, but in a few minutes, when the opportunity is put forth for you to do business with God and get right, you decide to ignore Him. You decide to leave the same way you came. You decide to choose to keep that fish wish in your heart. You decide to keep pining after the Egypt of your life. What’s going to happen?

The quail

Friend, if we skip down a couple of verses, God gives us a sneak peek. He doesn’t leave his people guessing on these kinds of things you see. The Bible is thorough and complete, showing both the warnings and the consequences.

31 And there went forth a wind from the Lord, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day’s journey on this side, and as it were a day’s journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth.

32 And the people stood up all that day, and all that night, and all the next day, and they gathered the quails: he that gathered least gathered ten homers: and they spread them all abroad for themselves round about the camp.

33 And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote the people with a very great plague.

34 And he called the name of that place Kibrothhattaavah: because there they buried the people that lusted.

Numbers 11:31-34

Here we see the reprobate mind of the children of Israel in full display. Remember, reprobate means depraved and rejected. Beyond hope. Notice the progression. First, it’s just a few dissenters in the camp. A tiny mix of outsiders among the children of Israel. Their rebellion grew like a cancer among the people. It persuaded them that God wasn’t good enough. It persuaded him that his provision wasn’t good enough. So what did God do? He was patient for a time, but he finally turned them over to their lusts. He allowed them to have the thing that their heart was putting over Him. And it killed many of them.

This wasn’t a few quail falling out the sky. The people didn’t just calmly pick them up, go home, clean ‘em, and throw ‘em in a stew like regular. The Bible doesn’t say, but I think they descended upon the birds like crazed maniacs. For 36 hours they went and began greedily gathering piles of the birds in order to feast on the meat. The Bible says in verse 32 that the smallest amount a man gathered was 10 homers. From what I can tell, a homer is about 58 gallons. That’s 580 gallons of birds. That’s a dude filling up 6 of those huge outside garbage cans the trash man comes and picks up in the neighborhood. All with quail!

The Bible says in verse 33 that as they went to tear into the meat, while it was between their teeth, before they swallowed, the Lord struck them with a plague.

Now my question was… why in the world did God do that? He let them gather it for 3 days, and do all that work, only to kill them with a plague?

I like the way that Matthew Henry said it…

God often grants the desires of sinners in wrath, while he denies the desires of his own people in love

Matthew Henry

God wasn’t letting them gather that quail because He was okay with their rejection of Him. I think He was giving them yet another opportunity to correct their course. Sadly, few of them made the right choice.

Verse 34 says the place was called Kibroth-hattaavah, which means “the graves of the longing” or “the graves of the lusting”

Can I tell you that God is doing the same thing today? There are people who are denying God’s provision in their lives. There are people who are denying His power in their circumstances. They are taking it for granted. So what is God doing?

He’s letting them gather the quail. He’s letting them live in nice houses. Drive nice cars. Build big 401ks. He’s letting them spend their days gathering material things in a futile effort to build a life of ease and comfort apart from Him. He’s letting them spend years and years chasing after lusts of the flesh, seeking to satisfy a hunger that can only be filled by Him.

Friend, if that’s you, and you are living a life apart from God, know that you will meet the same fate as these poor souls at Kibroth-hattaavah.

If God doesn’t forcefully intervene in a mighty way, and you choose to continue to ignore Him in your life, there may come a moment in your life when you will be like the rich man in Luke 12. You will see all of your earthly successes piled in front of you, just as these people saw the quail piled in front of them. You’ll chuckle and tell yourself you need to build a bigger barn to hold all your wealth. You will tell your soul to eat and drink and be merry. You’ll have the taste of earthly pleasure in your mouth. The meat of all your worldly successes will be between your teeth and then God will require your soul of you. You will have made the wrong choice because you valued the meat of this world more than the manna of God. You valued the provision of this world, more than the provision of God. You never bowed to the Lord, accepting Him as the sole ruler of your life. You chose to live apart from Him.

This will be the eternal fate of all who live their lives apart from God.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Notice that verse 34 says that they only buried the people who lusted. They only buried the people that rejected the provision of God for the pleasure of the earthly quail. Similarly today, the only people who are going to suffer that agonizing end are the ones who reject Christ.

He’s still calling

The good news is that, if you’re reading this, you haven’t gotten that far. There’s still hope for you.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

He’s calling you. The Lord doesn’t want a single one of us to die and go to hell. That was never the plan. Hell was created for Satan and his demons, who rejected God’s authority outright. When Adam and Eve rejected God’s authority in the Garden of Eden, and the sin curse came upon man, we were put in that same predicament.

Jesus came, and He died on the cross. He sacrificed Himself, taking on my sin curse, and yours, so that the price for sin could be paid, and eternal hellfire could be avoided.

I’ve had people ask me Sam, doesn’t eternity in torment sound a bit excessive for not following some commands written in a book. A loving God wouldn’t do that.

A just God would. God would not be God if He didn’t stand on His Word. How effective is a parent that never holds their children accountable? A good father warns his child of the consequences of wrong-doing. He pleads with the child repeatedly, giving them opportunities to learn from their mistakes and change. He cries over the child. He tells them the truth, He writes them the truth, He shows them the truth. He makes sacrifices of Himself in an attempt to give the child a better outcome.

But, there comes a day that if the child doesn’t internalize that truth, and they don’t make a point to step out on faith and live the truth, then there must be consequences. We frown upon parents who let their children run wild and do whatever they want. We called the child rebellious and the parent irresponsible. Ironically, we, sin-cursed and sin-filled humanity, turn our face to God and tell Him, “I just don’t think hell is real. I don’t think a loving God would allow a place like that to exist”.

He’s an eternal God. His commandments are eternal. His love is eternal. His blessings are eternal. His justice is eternal. His punishments are eternal.

If you don’t know Jesus Christ this morning as your Savior, I beg you to step out on faith and accept Him. If He’s calling you, would you answer? Reach out. We’ll go through what it means to be saved, and you can know for sure that your sins are forgiven.

The Bible isn’t just for the lost, it’s for the saved too. If you’re reading this, and the Lord has convicted you of a fish wish that you have in your own life, today’s the day to handle it. If the Holy Spirit has shown you an Egypt that you’re still longing for in your life, today is the day to be free of it.

If you leave this the same way you came to it, you’ve wasted an opportunity. Any time God’s word is preached, taught, read, or heard, there is power in the words to change lives and hearts. Would you let it change yours?

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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Terminal cancer and birthdays

Feb 27, 2024

I was out visiting church members two days ago, and I came across a scene that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to unsee. I was out with the pastor of a church in Charleston, and we were making the customary rounds. On the docket for the day was a hospital visit, a few house calls, and a delicious sandwich and root beer lunch special. It was shaping up to be a fantastic day. As we headed to the first house, to a man with terminal cancer, the pastor asked me a somewhat odd question. He asked, “you know why ministers carry around leather Bibles right?”. “I assume so they have a way to open the Scriptures if the need arises”, I responded. “Of course”, he said, “but it also helps to smell the leather if you’re stepping into a messy situation. We may be about to be in a messy situation”. Needless to say, he had his leather Bible with him and I did not have one with me.

About that time, we pulled up to the house, parking on the curb outside. It was a nondescript house in a nondescript neighborhood. One of hundreds just like it. The asphalt walkway was patched and cracked after years of use. There were 4 cars in the driveway. Some looked like they hadn’t been moved in years themselves. The man we were about to visit had terminal cancer. He, in the ripe old age of his 50s, had been sent home from the hospital for the final time. The doctors told him there was nothing left for them to do. They had advised him to make himself comfortable, as the end was very near, so here he was. We knocked on the door. No response. After jiggling the handle and finding the house unlocked, we walked in, calling out and announcing our presence.

The smell hit me first. Cats and cigarettes. Thick. Once my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the living room I saw the man, laying on his side on what looked to be a repurposed old hospital bed. He was staring through the TV mounted on the wall, as it played an episode of Gunsmoke he’d probably seen a hundred times. His eyes were blank, and the 5 o’clock shadow on his face was quickly progressing to a gruff 6-week stubble. The blanket he had covering his emaciated body was a bit too small, so his feet poked out the other side. I spotted one of the cats down the hallway, and I saw nine cigarette butts snuffed out in an ashtray next to the bed. Empty soda cups and an inhaler kept the ashtray company on the tiny bedside table. For a minute, I wondered if he’d even registered that we were there at all.

About that time, I heard a screen door squeak and slam somewhere deeper in the house. A few seconds later, a woman came bustling around the corner, hair up in a messy, frizzy bun, apologizing for the mess. “He’s been sleeping all day”, she told the pastor. About that time, the man’s eyes refocused on us. He whispered a hello, and the pastor asked him how he was doing. “I have good days and bad days”, he said, “today is a good day”. “Well that’s good to hear brother”, the pastor replied. “I see you haven’t kicked those cigarettes yet. You ought to chew a couple of ‘em up and swallow it. You’d never want another one.. That’d fix it!”, he joked. The man just offered a weak smile. Everyone in the room knew the obvious. What good would it be kicking a nicotine habit with only a few weeks to live? What difference did black lungs make when cancer was ripping and tearing through your bones and blood cells? None at all. But yet we all pretended it was a good light-hearted joke. Something for the man to work on in the future. Something to work towards.

The woman had disappeared during the smoking conversation. About the time it ended, she came back into the room with a stack of old Kodak prints in her hands. “Pastor, I found these pictures the other day when cleaning out some drawers. Do you remember this?” It was a church gathering that had taken place back in what looked to be the 90s. There were still some big hair remnants of the 80s, and there were the classic knotty pine-paneled walls of the 70s, but the dates on the backs, written in scrawly, scribbled cursive, listed names of people I’d never met with the year 1996. There was a young man, probably in his mid-twenties, in a bunch of the pictures. Upon further inspection, I noticed the same man was shown in some of the pictures hanging on the wall in the den, right where we were standing. During an abrupt eureka moment, I realized that the pale man lying on the bed in front of me was the bright, bushy-haired, tanned man in the pictures. It was him and his wife, at this church gathering, almost 30 years ago. The smiles and laughter captured in the pictures were nothing like the scene I saw before me. Time and stress had no doubt done a number on the couple, for they looked different.

Those 30 years had been full of challenges. Alcohol, family issues, separation, etc. had all taken their toll. It seemed almost unfair. The man smiling in those pictures, with his arm wrapped around his young bride, had no idea he would be laid up on a bed in a dark house a mere 30 years later, chainsmoking and waiting for death. The woman told the pastor she was going to have some prints made for him. Once again, everyone knew it probably wasn’t going to happen. We were all just engaging in social formality by that point.

The pastor proceeded to read some scripture to the man. I knew he was listening, even though his eyes wandered. I was in awe as the pastor quoted an entire psalm from the heart. He spoke it with such power. Such conviction. The empowered inflection of his voice as he attempted to warm the man’s heart with the hope of things to come seemed to lift the sick man a bit from his pillow. After we finished reading the Scripture, we went to pray and leave. The woman, who’d been standing by quietly, interjected, asking if we could sing Amazing Grace.

Now… know that I am by no means a singer. And you put me in a tiny den with a tone-deaf pastor, an off-key woman, and a sick man, you wouldn’t think that we’d be making any sort of sweet sound to the Lord. How wrong I was! We gathered around the bed and began to sing.

Amazing grace… how sweet the sound… that saved a wretch… like meeee.

The song was beautiful. Much to my surprise, the man, who’d been all but lifeless before, began to join in with vigor. His voice could only be so strong, considering his condition, but the whisper became almost a low rumble. A hum. But it was unmistakable. He was singing. I felt convicted. Here I was, thinking that I had problems. After all, my rent was too high. My gas, grocery, and electric bills are going up. I can’t find anyone to watch a movie with on Friday night. Samuel… you don’t have problems, you have little nuisances that irk you. It was almost as if the Lord was speaking to me right there in that dark little den.

When the verse ended, we all just sat in silence for a moment. The man looked up at us. “Pastor, I’m ready. Counting down the days. I’m ready for Jesus.”

Oh that we too would be ready for Jesus! Just like that man there in that bed. I wish more people could get the crux of that message. I wish more people would see the truth of that statement. To be ready for Jesus. We live our lives encased and ensconced in the temporary pleasures and dalliances of this world. Too many people don’t see until it’s too late. They don’t gain the clarity of a man on his deathbed, because they don’t find themselves in that predicament. The good news is, you don’t have to be on your deathbed to get that clarity. You can know Jesus today. You can be ready for Jesus today.

We finished singing and praying and bid the farewell. Most likely, I will never see that man again. At least not on this side of heaven. However, I’m not going to forget the lesson the Lord taught me that day through him. As we drove away from the nondescript house in the nondescript neighborhood, the Lord gave me the privilege of seeing one last thing. It’s something I want to share here as we wrap up. You see… the Lord’ll give you the meat of a message. He’ll fill you with the main meal. But, every once in a while, He’ll give you a little dessert after.

Well… what was the dessert, Sam?

Two or three houses down, a little boy was playing with a ball outside with his dad. On the front of the house, I could see a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner hung in the huge picture window. It wasn’t too different from the ones Mama would put up for me and my siblings for our birthdays as kids. Cars had filled the driveway. As we drove by, I captured a freeze frame in my mind of that little boy, maybe 5 years old, laughing as his father kicked him the ball.

None of those people knew that a few houses down, a man was dying. That little boy was full of life, running and jumping and laughing. He knew nothing of the world of the man with the terminal cancer. All he knew was that there was cake, and presents, and a ball, and his daddy. In that little boy’s world, everything was perfect and new and vivid. In that man’s world, everything was slipping away, old, and fading.

But Jesus moves in both of those worlds. Jesus is relevant in both of those worlds. Jesus is all-powerful in both of those worlds.

I don’t know how He does it, but God is in-the-loop on all of us. It’s beyond my understanding, but every once in a while, the Lord allows me a glimpse of what it could be like. Seeing the older man, and seeing the little child. Nothing escapes His careful watch. He cares for the little child, just as He cares for the older man.

7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

If He knows the hairs of my head, don’t you think He knows my problems? Don’t you think He knows my desires? My needs? My hopes? My dreams? Of course He does! He’s watching over that little boy, that terminal man, you, and me. He wants the same end result for all of us, to be with Him.

I’m making it. Because I accepted Jesus into my heart, I’m going to be with Him forever! The terminal man is making it too.

Will you?

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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When the Lord says no

Feb 3, 2024

I came home early last Friday afternoon in a mood. My Howell brow was on full display for anyone who cared to pay attention. The mood was one that I’d consistently been fighting for a few weeks. It only reared its ugly head on Friday afternoons and it revolved around a simple fact: I had nothing to do.

You see, I sometimes get the feelings that I’m at a point in my life where I’m like Will Ferrell in Elf, discovering the revolving hotel door for the first time.

Now… my face isn’t nearly as happy as his (and I can assure you I’m not enjoying the revolving door), but the spinning around and around sums up my daily existence perfectly. My work schedule at this current moment of life is… hectic. Lots to do. All the time. So I run the rat race all week. 55+ hours. Consistently. Then, the week comes to an end, and I exit the revolving cycle of work, eat, sleep for a brief moment called the weekend. In that moment, I ponder my existence and wonder how I’m ever going to meet people if all I do is work, eat, sleep.

Hence, I was deep in my pondering as I wandered aimlessly around my apartment on 4:30 pm this particular Friday afternoon. I had been toying with the idea of going downtown for a few weeks. As any Charlestonian will tell you, “going downtown” in Charleston is a lot more than just hopping in your car, driving down, and killing some time. It’s an entire event. And, if you are young and single, I’m told it’s the event for Friday night. The only problem was, I’d never done it.

I’ve lived in Charleston for over a year, and I’ve never once gone downtown on Friday night. I’ve heard many stories though. Guys I work with have recounted countless escapades and events they’ve gotten involved in on King Street, Meeting Street, and all those other hubs when all the old retirees quit their carriage rides and late afternoon cheese and wine events and went home. That’s the time that CofC, CSU, the Citadel, and all the other kids poured onto the streets and into the bars and clubs to partake in drink and revelry. Being as such, I knew good and well that I had no business going down to try to replicate those experiences for myself.

The previous Friday, I had spent an hour on social media, looking at videos of all the hot spots where people would be at, trying to psych myself up to go. In a moment of clarity, I called my Mama, and she talked me off the ledge. She was correct in saying that there would be nothing good going on. However, I still suffer bouts of adolescent rebelliousness, and one overcame me the following week. I told myself I was a full-grown adult living in the big city, making my own money, and paying my own bills, so I could do whatever I wanted. I told myself that garbage, then I told the Lord that garbage, then I began freshening and cleaning myself up to go out on the town.

The whole time, I’m fighting myself. Stalling because I can’t shake the feeling I’m doing something wrong. I’m stopping multiple times to look in the mirror, swapping shirts, styling my hair in different ways, changing pants, etc. I was honestly acting like a girl preening. In hindsight, I realize that this was the moment where I should’ve regrounded myself, but still, I marched forward. I finished getting ready, went to grab the doorknob to leave, then paused again. The feeling came back. I walked back into my living room, sat down on the couch, and stared at the wall for a few minutes, trying to regain my courage. Trying to explain to the Holy Spirit why I was justified in what I was attempting to do. When I finally managed to squash the guilt, I stood up, grabbed my work bag, and left.

I plugged my normal parking garage location into Google Maps, I began my drive. 20 minutes later, nearing late dusk, I’m downtown. After all, that’s why my rent is so high. I live so close to everything. If you’re paying that high rent Sam, you need to at least try to enjoy the perks a bit. That’s what I’m telling myself as I see that the parking garage I was going to use is tied up for some event or something. Anyway…time to find another one.

That was my first clue.

Still, I pressed on. Drove around aimlessly, looking for another garage to park in. I found one about 10-20 minutes later over in the College of Charleston section of downtown. There was one spot on the G level of the parking garage. I had to do (what seemed like) a 20-point turn to work my Mustang into it, but I finally got it into place.

That was my second clue.

Still, I pressed on. I got out, grabbed my work bag, slung it over my shoulder, and began walking towards the exit. A few minutes later, I was out in the (now-night) air. Kids are everywhere, coming home from late classes, exiting grocery runs at the CVS (it was attached to the garage), heading to the Dining Hall, and talking about their general plans for the evening. I slid effortlessly into the masses, blending in perfectly with my white sneakers and backpack, and began walking toward King Street over the uneven cobblestone sidewalks.

Everyone was gearing up. The air was electric. The girl behind me was in a rush. As she passionately explained to the phone glued to her ear, her roommate had left her green backpack in the commons room, and she had to grab something from it before she could go out. I saw two younger boys crossing the crosswalk in front of me, carrying a case of Coors Light. No doubt they were heading towards the frat house down the street. The Dining Hall was bustling as well. People going in and out, talking and texting, coordinating schedules and clothes and Ubers and outings. I kept walking.

The closer I got to Kings Street, the tighter and skimpier the clothes got. Keep in mind now… it’s like 50 degrees on a night in February. These were some beautiful women, and they were out on the prowl, hunting solo and in groups. Maybe they were looking for free drinks or one-night stands, but I can promise you that women don’t go out looking like that regularly. I felt my worldview expanding in real-time. I’d heard about “nightlife”, and seen it portrayed in the movies, but here I was, actually getting to be a part of it! How foolish.

It was dark by this point, but King Street was lit up with neon and streetlights and signs. People everywhere. I kid you not. It was Pottersville from It’s a Wonderful Life.

I thought about slipping into some bar to grab a burger and listen to a cover band, then I realized I had my work bag on. They had rules about that stuff. Stores would think you were shoplifting, and nice restaurants didn’t want you bringing in big black backpacks for obvious reasons. I was stuck on the street.

That was my third clue.

Still I pressed on. Just because I couldn’t go inside any establishments didn’t mean I couldn’t find a taco stand or a pizza window or something right? So I kept walking, heading towards the Battery. I didn’t realize how far the new parking garage was away from the Battery. It was 2 miles. But I’d come this far, so why not keep going? I left the bustle of King Street and began walking through the dark neighborhoods leading to the Battery. I wasn’t too worried, considering all these houses were millions of dollars, but it was a bit creepy, just walking down the street in the dark. When I finally got to the Battery, it was empty. No one was there. Just the cannons and the statues and the water. I took a break from my two-mile trek and walked around White Point Garden Park. I admired the calm, dark water, free of all the sailboats and yachts.

After a sufficient break. I decided to take a different route back to the parking garage. I began meandering down East Battery Street, walking towards the Edmondston-Alston House. At night, you can see into those old houses much better. It’s weird though. They’re full of ornate tapestries and crystal chandeliers and such, but there are no people. I texted my sister, joking that some of them looked like Paul Revere or Benjamin Franklin had just left in a hurry and forgot to turn the lights out. Much of the decor was colonial and antique. I’ve learned it’s kind of the overarching theme down here in Charleston.

Around this time, I’m beginning to get VERY hungry, so I begin walking with renewed vigor towards the direction of the parking garage. I made it back into the land of the living, and the nightlife was in full swing. Music was coming out of various buildings. The frat houses and bars were pulsing with multi-colored lights. Ubers pulled over to let people out and pick others up. Some people were already beginning to stumble, no doubt having completed the first leg of their Friday-night bar-hop marathon.

As I passed them, I looked into the different establishments. THEY WERE ALL THE SAME. Themes abounded. Western, Biker, Southern Charm, Speakeasy, Miami, Vegas, etc. But the scene remained the same. A bunch of people, jam-packed together, dressed in tight, expensive clothing, sitting on barstools drinking or dancing on dance floors. As the night wore on, it was evident more and more types were emerging as well. Pottersville was beginning to feel more like Sodom and Gomorrah.

It was at this point that my Google Maps quit on me. The calibration messed up, and I had no idea where I was at. I. Was. Lost. L-O-S-T. The GPS had no idea of north from south, so it started telling me to go in circles. I didn’t fully figure this out for about 20 minutes, as I walked up and down Meeting Street, trying to get my bearings. In the daylight, it wouldn’t have been a problem. Alas, that was not the case. I’d never been lost before. Especially not in a big city. At night. By myself. The worry I was feeling was growing by the minute

That was the fourth clue.

Still, I pressed on. I opened an app that tracked the Samsung SmartTag2 that I had left in my Mustang. The calibration on it seemed to work fine. It was showing my car as being about half a mile away. So I set off once again. Soon, I was officially back in CofC territory. The parking garage in question had cops posted out in front of it. I didn’t recognize the parking garage entrance, nor remember any cops being out at the parking garage earlier in the night, but I figured maybe it was just the fact that it was dark that had my brain a bit addled.

I was worried I was going to be entering some school-only parking garage, and get flagged down by the boys in blue, but I just walked briskly with confidence into the garage. Perhaps my youthful complexion and backpack helped 😉. I began looking for the G level. There was no G-level. The levels in this parking garage were numbered, not lettered. I checked my SmartTag app. I was RIGHT OVER THE DOT. Still, I was in the wrong place in real life. I was in the wrong garage. The calibration was wrong. It hit me all hit me at once.

I’d walked over 5 miles at this point. I had no idea where I was. Google Maps wasn’t working. My Smart Tag wasn’t working. It was dark. I was tired. I was hungry. Reba said it best. I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. People were getting more revelrous every minute I stayed. I was alone in a dimly lit parking garage. There were cops downstairs. How did I end up here?

Because you didn’t listen to Me the first time Samuel.

Lord, if you get me out of this, I promise I’ll never come downtown on a Friday like this again. No clubs. No bars. No partying. I got the message.

All of a sudden, unwarranted, the thought of the CVS popped into my head. I PROMISE Y’ALL. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.

That was my fifth clue.

The garage where I had parked, as I said earlier, was attached to a CVS. There was reserved parking in the garage for CVS customers and employees. I ran out onto the street, praying there was a CVS I could see. There was! That gorgeous, lit-up sign was way down the road. I took off towards it, hoping that somewhere along the way I’d see a parking garage. Sure enough, as I got to the CVS, there was the parking garage. I slipped inside, fished my parking ticket out of my pocket, and went to pay at the kiosk to get my exit ticket to leave.

I inserted the ticket, and the screen asked me to scan my credit card for payment. It. Didn’t. Work.

That was my sixth clue.

So now I have no entrance ticket AND no exit ticket. The attendant clerk has long been gone for the night. No exit ticket means no way to get the gate to go up to get the car out of the garage. I frantically begin pressing buttons and beating on the kiosk, trying to get it to work. I slide my card in and out a few more times. It finally reads the card and spits out the exit ticket and receipt. I rip the paper out of the exit feeder tube and practically run for the car. I’m exaggerating a bit, but I want you to understand my mental state at this point. I WAS SO READY TO BE OUT OF DOWNTOWN.

After performing another 25-point turn, I get my Mustang out of the parking space and head for the exit. Because it was dark and I was dumb, I turned right out of the parking garage onto a one-way street. I should’ve turned left. I didn’t see the sign I guess. This fact became very clear to me when I saw headlights coming straight towards me. The other driver’s hand came out the window, and he hit the horn. Once again, it was dark, but I’m pretty sure birds were flipping through the air.

That was my seventh clue.

Once he got around me, I turned onto a street where I knew I was going in the correct direction. I decided then to go straight. If I went straight long enough, maybe I’d get out the dead spot and Google Maps would figure itself out. As soon as it did, my stomach started growling. Its well after 9pm at this point, and I STILL haven’t eaten. Stereotypically, all I have at my bachelor pad is a few pizza rolls and a jar of peanut butter, and I don’t want that. So I decided on a whim to skip the entrance ramp that would’ve taken me home and instead head to Park Circle to get some fish ‘n chips from The Codfather. The Codfather stays open super late because it is in the other hub of Charleston nightlife activity, Park Circle. In fact, it shares venue space with Holy City, which is one of the premiere breweries in the area. I told the Lord I wasn’t going to party at Park Circle or Holy City, so this wasn’t breaking the deal. I just wanted some food and I felt I needed to redeem the disaster of a night I’d had.

The traffic was bad heading to Park Circle. 9 minutes from the Codfather, I happened upon a railroad track with the arms down, blinking red lights.

That was my eighth clue.

The train in question was CREEPING on the tracks, no doubt due to some mechanical fault. I was in the right lane of the two lanes heading north on the 4 lane road. All the cars came to a stop and began piling up. The train got slower. And slower. And slower. Then, it stopped. I was literally blocked. There was no way to get around it. This huge, long train was stopped on the road. I was done.

I rolled down my window, and motions to the car next to me in the left lane, asking if they could back up so I could maneuver my car into the south two lanes. Thankfully, they had enough room and they complied. I hit the two south lanes and roared off, heading back towards the interstate.

Magically, the traffic disappeared.

That was my ninth clue.

I don’t believe I stopped once on the entire trip home, even though I had to take the long way. I got the message. 9 times throughout the night the Lord straightened me out. I learned my lesson. As soon as I started doing what I was supposed to be doing, everything leveled out. Just like Jonah in the Bible.

The allure of the city nightlife, something that I’ve been dealing with ever since I moved here, is gone. I have no more desire to go downtown on a Friday night. I see now with visceral clarity how it’s all so vapid, temporal, hedonistic, and materialistic. The Lord protected me. From what exactly, I’m not sure. Maybe He just protected me from myself. Regardless, I’m thankful. And February 2, 2023 will forever stand as a testament to that. I fully plan on retelling this story to my kids and grandkids one day. Who knows… I may even find a way to work it into a sermon 😁.

As I reflect on this event, it brings to mind Psalm 55:22.

22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22

God’s not going to suffer the righteous to be moved. He’s going to keep you stable and relying on Him. He’s going to pull you back when you try to move yourself, (as I did that night), or He’s going to fortify you in place when others try to move you in a sinful direction. At the end of the day, HE is our sustenance, not these other things or people. He is always good. He is always faithful. He alone will sustain. When the Lord says no, listen.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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Men cry

Feb 2, 2024

For whatever the reason, it seems men are often averse to tears. From the time we are in elementary school, there seems to be a stigma around sadness when it comes to men. Not the act of being sad per se, but the emotion with which it presents itself to the outside world. I’ve heard it many times. Men don’t cry. I believe that, innately, all boys want to be seen as tough. They want to be seen as brave, unfazed, and hard-edged. Now, in recent years, the West’s cultural and societal pressures have sought to destroy this (all in an attempt to emasculate men) but that is a topic for another time. I’m not saying I’m advocating for men driven by emotion, but I think tears play a role in making men the leaders and providers they need to be. And, maybe, every once in a while, it is worth showing. Men cry.

As I began thinking about it, I’ve only seen my daddy cry two times in my entire life. I know he’s cried more than just those two times, and already I can foresee events that will bring tears to his eyes, but, as it stands in this current moment, I’ve only seen him cry twice. Both times are forever etched into my brain, and for good reason. It may seem odd to say it, but the memories attached to those two moments in my life, although painful, are integral to who I’ve become today. I don’t think the impact would have been the same, had Daddy not cried.

You see, Howell men have always been very conscious about the image we present to the world. Not just in the outer world, but even in our own family. For somewhat off-the-wall examples, my mother has never seen my father without his mustache. Also, I never saw any videos of my father as a child, even though they did exist. And it’s not just me. Dad has told me many times he received handshakes from his father when he was a child. Grandaddy maintained the image of the authority and disciplinarian of the house. He wasn’t handing out many hugs and “I love yous”. I’m proud to say my siblings and I worked on my Grandaddy about that through the years (and it’s no longer an issue 😁) but it was at one time.

Grandma has told me many times there was a side to my Grandaddy that she didn’t know until they tied the knot. Mama the same with Daddy. It was not a situation of abusive or foul behavior. Rather, some quirks weren’t immediately recognizable throughout the dating relationship. One of these is the Howell brow. It’s the furrowed brow that appears on our faces as we brood. All of us men have it to varying degrees. We don’t tend towards explosive behavior, but ask any of the Howell women and they can assure you that we brood. We clam up and close up when something is bothering us and we mentally fixate on it until it makes us positively miserable. ‘Tis the Howell way.

As one can probably surmise, this doesn’t mix well with tears. It’s hard to maintain a stern, brooding demeanor when you blubber, so we don’t blubber. We don’t talk either, for the risk of our words being misconstrued or unwarranted. I learned this from my father. It drives my mother somewhat crazy at times, but I see the wisdom in it. When one is in a brood, one doesn’t talk. If he were to speak, his altered mental state may encourage him to say something he otherwise wouldn’t. In other words, keeping your mouth shut when you’re unhappy helps prevent you from sticking your foot in it and saying something in sarcasm or anger. Seeing these rules broken is a rare thing.

As I said earlier, I’ve only seen it two times. Both have drastically shaped who I am today, both in how I view my father and myself, so I figured I’d put it down in words.

The first time.

The first time, I was a teenager and I got into a nasty fight with my brother. I have trouble remembering what exactly it started over, but it was vicious. I want to say he had done something to aggravate me, and I’d hidden something he wanted, like a game controller or phone or something, as payback. All very childish of course. My brother and I complement each other nicely in that I throw blows with my words and he throws blows with fists. He is the stronger of us two while I’m the more articulate. This always made for awful spats, for I would raze him and demean him with a quick tongue, he’d see red, and he would follow up with a chokehold.

Now… this wasn’t too bad when we were younger children, but, as we became teenagers it became more serious. To make a long story short, I goaded him and he went for it. During his “seeing red” phase, I ended up in the aforementioned chokehold on the floor. Only this time, my sister was crying and my mother was screaming and beating on him uselessly, trying to get him off of me before I passed out. When he finally got off of me, I was lying on the floor gasping, my sister ran off to her room and locked the door, still crying, and my mother dropped everything, got in her car, and left, too angry to even look at me and my brother. Rightfully so.

Mama stayed gone for an hour or two. The tension mounted. Later that night, my father came home. He didn’t speak to either of us. Howell brow remember? My brother and I had the same by that point. The following day, around lunch, Daddy speaks his first words. Tells us to sit on the couch, side by side. He pulls up a chair and sits directly in front of us, hands on his knees, leaning in. I don’t remember his exact words, but I remember his face and his voice. His voice was so quiet. So low. He asked why. Why would we do something like that to each other? What could bring two brothers to such a place of hate and anger? Then he asked how. How could we do something like that to him and Mama? She had called him, crying about how she had lost control. We didn’t respond to her words, and she physically couldn’t break us apart during our fight, and I think the realization of that had scared her and jarred her to the point where she had to leave.

Then he paused. I don’t know what Daddy saw in his mind’s eye, but I saw in the silence that followed the how question that he was miles away. I imagine he was seeing some scene of domestic abuse he’d happened upon during his years in the police force, or perhaps he was seeing my brother and me as tiny innocent children years before. Whatever it was, the thought drew a tear from his eye. Then another. Then another. Soon, they were streaming down his face. He looked at us and told us “never again.” To this day, I don’t know entirely what that meant, but I’ll never find out. My brother and I haven’t laid hands on each other since that day, and I made a personal promise to myself that I never will.

Daddy cried and things changed.

The second time.

The second time, I was an adult. I had been off on my own, living in Charleston for a few months, when I got the call from my father that my Papa had died in a car crash. He didn’t even cry then on the phone. He was compartmentalized and all business. In the week that followed, he never publicly broke. I cried. Mama cried. My brother cried. My sister cried. Not Daddy. At least not out in the open.

The day of the funeral came. I hated it. Spring Branch Baptist Church in Nichols, SC. The only time I’d ever been was with Papa to see where he’d grown up. Those had all been years ago on summer day trips. Now, it was ice cold in March. It was graveside only, and we got to the church early. I helped my father and brother and a few other men lift Papa’s casket out of the hearse to set over the grave. No tears. Papa had asked that Dad perform the service. So Dad did. He sang “It is Well” with my uncle, and then “Beulah Land” by himself. For reference, he held a scrap of paper I had found in one of Papa’s old Bibles in my apartment. Papa had scrawled the lyrics to the entire “Beulah Land” song on it, all jumbled and jammed up on that tiny sheet of paper. Like everyone else there I cried during that song. Dad’s voice didn’t even crack. I was convinced he was invincible.

When the service came to a close, and everybody turned to console each other (as they do at these things), I watched him. He neatly stacked his notes and slid them into the cover of Papa’s Bible, which he’d performed the service with. Then, he walked over to the casket, alone. He laid his hand on it and bowed his head. At first, I thought he was praying, and then his shoulders began to shake violently. You see, up until that moment, he’d had an obligation and a duty to perform. He was keeping it together for us and the family. He was honoring Papa as Papa had asked of him at that time. However, when he finally bowed his head over the casket, he was freed from that duty, so the tears came in a flood. I further defined at that moment the kind of man I wanted to become. A pillar in his extended family. A son who is valued and loved by his in-laws. A man who doesn’t seek to draw attention to himself. A man who is willing to put aside his own hurt until he has attempted to assuage the hurt of others.

Daddy cried and things changed.

My Father’s tears.

I don’t like to cry. It’ll never make a Top 10 list of mine. But I never want to become so hardened that tears won’t flow. I want to be like my father. I want my tears to convey the desire I have for people to do right. I want my tears to convey the love I have for people. I want my tears, if for no other reason than to remind me of the day when God will wipe them away from my eyes. To remind me that one day I’ll cry for the last time. When that day comes, know I’ll live in peace and joy with my Lord for the rest of eternity.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Revelation 21:4

What’s the point Sam? Tears show that you care. Tears show that you feel. Tears show that you have a sense of right and wrong. Tears show that you have a desire to love and a desire to be loved. My father’s tears, though few in my mind, have molded me into who I am today.

My Savior’s tears.

There’s another man’s tears that molded me as well. Were it not for the tears of Jesus, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Jesus wept.

John 11:35

In John 11, we see that Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary, has died. We know that Jesus was fully God and fully man, and this passage of Scripture perfectly epitomizes that. We see he mourns the loss of a loved one (as a man), and then proceeds to raise Lazarus from the dead (as God).

And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it

Luke 19:41

Jesus cried over the loss of innocence and the wickedness that abounded in Jerusalem. He cried over a people who’d satiated their thirst for meaning with broken cisterns and sinful desires. He foretold the misfortune that would befall them as a result. Looking upon the city, he wept, for he knew one day the judgment of God would fall and it would be razed to the ground. As we see from history, it was. In 70 AD, Titus and the Romans destroyed Jerusalem, just as Jesus had said.

7 Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared;

8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;

Hebrews 5:7-9

Jesus cried over you and me. He cried for the pain that he would have to endure for you and me. There was a part of Him that didn’t want to go to the cross at Calvary. He didn’t want the spit on his face. He didn’t want the skin ripped from his back. He didn’t want thorns pressed into his scalp. He didn’t want the punches and the kicks and the bruises. He didn’t want the nails in his hands and his feet. So he cried. In Matthew 26:36, we see He even asked the Lord to let the cup pass from him. He wanted another way, but He went anyway.

Looking at Job, we can see what Satan was allowed to do with a simple, just, man. He took everything away from Job except the breath in his lungs. At Satan’s behest, Job’s children were killed, his livelihood was destroyed beyond all hope of repair, and his body was covered in sores. Keep in mind. Job was nothing more than a regular human trying to follow the will of God.

Now imagine the pain that Satan attempted to inflict on the Son of God when given the opportunity. When Jesus cried on the cross, “Eloi, Eloi, Lamma Sabachthani” (meaning “My God, My God, why has thou forsaken me?”) we know that Jesus was in a state of separation from his Father. In a way, He was an open target. Though oft-overlooked, it is true that we all reside in a spiritual warzone. There is a plane of existence that we, as humanity, don’t fully operate in, but it is as real as the earth beneath your feet. Battles for hearts, minds, and souls take place daily. Spiritual beings fight each other, as we see in Revelation 12:7. One would be errant and foolish to believe spiritual battles were not being fought on Golgotha the day Jesus was crucified.

So Jesus cried. For you. For me. For humanity. His tears are a reminder that He went all the way to care for us. He cried over the death of Lazarus, He cried over the fate of Jerusalem, and He cried over the sacrifice He bore for you and me. He was fully God and fully Man. Men cry.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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