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When the Brook Dries Up

Sep 15, 2023

I came across this thought while preparing for a different sermon a while back. I just kind of stuck a pin in it and said, “Whenever you’re ready Lord” The thought has since blossomed into a few thoughts, and I’ve written them down here. Let’s look at a sermon I wrote entitled “When the Brook Dries Up”. Let’s begin reading in verse 1…

1 And Elijah the Tishbite, who was of the inhabitants of Gilead, said unto Ahab, As the Lord God of Israel liveth, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but according to my word.

2 And the word of the Lord came unto him, saying,

3 Get thee hence, and turn thee eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan.

4 And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there.

5 So he went and did according unto the word of the Lord_: for he went and dwelt by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan._

6 And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the brook.

7 And it came to pass after a while, that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land.

1 Kings 17:1-7

Off the jump, there’s some important stuff to unpack here. At God’s command, Elijah has just told the most powerful man in Israel that, because of his wickedness and refusal to follow the Lord, there would be neither dew nor rain for 3.5 years. On top of that, the Bible says in 1 Kings 16:30 that Ahab was worse than all the godless kings that had come before him.

30 And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord above all that were before him.

1 Kings 16:30

Now, we know Ahab surely knew the consequences of his idolatry would result in drought. This is because, as a king, he was most likely very well acquainted with the law.

16 Take heed to yourselves, that your heart be not deceived, and ye turn aside, and serve other gods, and worship them;

17 And then the Lord’s wrath be kindled against you, and he shut up the heaven, that there be no rain, and that the land yield not her fruit: and lest ye perish quickly from off the good land which the Lord giveth you.

Deuteronomy 11:16-17

It was imperative that the Israelite people understood that their prosperity and agricultural success didn’t come from the pagan fertility gods, so God established in his law that he would shut up the heavens if this pagan worship ever happened, thus stopping agricultural success.

Ahab was a king. He, more than any other, was aware of the laws and warnings laid out in Deuteronomy. The word Deuteronomy literally means “a copy of the law”. He adamantly and choicefully refused to obey, and Elijah was the messenger that God sent to inform him of the consequences.

So hold up, before we even get past verse 1, think about your own life. We have a book of law right here that we can touch and see. That’s what the Bible is. This is a book that specifies rights and wrongs. It specifies blessings and curses that will come in response to your actions. Would God be a just God if I intentionally acted in opposition to his commands and he let it slide? No! God isn’t some mythical being that is thousands of miles away in space. He is right here. And because he is right here, and he is deeply invested and aware of what is going on in all of our lives, he will correct and chastise accordingly.

2 And the word of the Lord came unto him, saying,

3 Get thee hence, and turn thee eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan.

4 And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there.

1 Kings 17:2-4

It was evident that Ahab refused to see this, and his anger was kindled against Elijah, thus God commands Elijah to go and hide himself by the brook Cherith.

Now, let’s do some geography here, Cherith flowed into the Jordan River. If you were to look at a map of territories during Ahab’s reign, you would see that the west side of the Jordan River belonged to Israel, but the east side (the area of Gilead) was controlled by Syria. In fact, in 1 Kings 22, Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, teams up with Ahab, king of Israel to attempt to take Ramoth-Gilead from Syria. It is in that battle that Ahab is wounded by an archer and eventually dies

Why is this important? When God tells Elijah to go hide at Cherith. He moves him just out the cusp of harm’s way. He’s eastward before Jordan. Scholars debate, but as I read the text, I believe he was on the east side, just outside of Ahab’s reach.

God’ll move you out of the line of fire, but he’ll keep you near the battle.

8 And Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, Go. And the maid went and called the child’s mother.

9 And Pharaoh’s daughter said unto her, Take this child away, and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages. And the woman took the child, and nursed it.

10 And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.

11 And it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out unto his brethren, and looked on their burdens: and he spied an Egyptian smiting an Hebrew, one of his brethren.

Exodus 2:8-11

God had orchestrated Moses to be in the king’s palace learning the skills that he would need to eventually lead the children of Israel. He wasn’t making bricks from straw under the watchful eye of Egyptian taskmasters. He was living in a position of relative comfort and rest, but he KNEW his people. He knew of the struggle of his people. God didn’t lock him off from all contact. He saw what was going on. He saw the battle taking place. And there was going to come a day when he was in the trenches, fighting alongside his brethren. There was going to come a time when he would be leading them through the hot dusty wasteland of the desert, but that hadn’t happened yet.

There was a time of respite, a time of “pause”, in Moses’s life, just as there was a time of respite in Elijah’s. It may have come at different times, in different ways, but God kept them near the battle, even though they weren’t in the line of fire.

I want you to know that, as long as you draw air on this earth, God is going to keep you near the battle. The Great Commission must be carried out. The lost must be reached. The saved must be discipled. But, even if we’re near the battle, God can shield each one of us from the line of fire. How do I know this?

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Notice that Jesus doesn’t say come to the church and it’ll give you rest.

The Bible doesn’t say come to work, make some money and it’ll give you rest.

The Bible doesn’t say come to your best friend, and they’ll give you rest.

For many of us, in the battles of life, we have not made God our first resort. Rather, he is our last resort when we’ve exhausted all other options. As Adrian Rogers liked to say, “He’s not the president of our heart, he’s just a resident”.

The Lord has convicted me personally because it is much easier for me to sit down and zone out in front of the television when I’m dealing with something than it is to open my Bible and get into communication with God. It’s easier to spend another few hours at work focused on steel and code, than it is to come home, grab a bite to eat, and have focused prayer time with the Lord.

Being in battles is a fact of life because we live in a sin-cursed world. We have burdens we must bear for Christ. But there is still rest to be found in my God. He can still shield me from the line of fire.

It’s important we see that having rest isn’t always the result of something being physically removed from your life. There are many people stricken with problems and life circumstances who think they’d have rest if that THING was removed from their life.

Yet, there are some who have rest REGARDLESS of the circumstance, because

They have learned how to lean on God.
They have learned to have faith in God’s plan over their own.
They have learned to see with their heart and not just their eyes.
They have learned to feel in their spirit and not just in their bones.

Sometimes, my mama will send me videos and audio of sermons, testimonies, and other things she finds interesting. A few weeks ago, she sent me this video of Joni Earekson-Tada’s testimony.

She lived an active life until she was 17. That year, she misjudged the water depth when diving in the Chesapeake Bay. She became a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the shoulders down. She’s lived that way ever since. She’s 73 now. Every morning, someone has to get her out of bed. Someone has to feed her and clothe her. If you want to know just how good you have it, go listen to her testimony video.

She struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Going from so active to completely sedentary crippled her mentally just as much as it did physically. But she clung to the Lord. She asked him for meaning and understanding and purpose. She learned to paint with a brush in her mouth and started making beautiful paintings. She’s written over 40 books. She’s recorded several musical albums and starred in a movie about her life. She tours actively, speaking on behalf of the disabled community, and testifying of the grace and mercy of God. She has achieved heavenly sight in a way that many of the people in this room may never experience because you haven’t begged the Lord for it. Many of us have not been brought to a place where we see the need for it the way she did.

I don’t know about ya’ll but I don’t think we have to wait till heaven to get a taste of heavenly sight. We would do well to ask the Lord “Please give me a vision that is focused and directed on you, rather than the battle around me.” That is where true peace is.

Many have heard the phrase “keep your eyes on the ball”. Speaking from a place of absolutely NO athletic authority, I want to tell you that’s not always the best play though. Sometimes it’s better to watch the person with the ball, so you can anticipate where they’re going next. You can see them turn their feet in the direction they’re about to dash or see their eyes lock on the player they’re about to pass to.

The same applies to our walk with Christ. We are not removed from the game of life, but rather than focusing on the earth, we need to focus on the one who holds the whole earth in His hands.

And just by focusing on God, I’ve found that I can remove myself from the line of fire. I still feel the heat of battle, I still FEEL the weight of the circumstance. but I know that God is handling it, and he will keep me safe regardless.

5 So he went and did according unto the word of the Lord_: for he went and dwelt by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan._

6 And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the brook.

7 And it came to pass after a while, that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land.

8 And the word of the Lord came unto him, saying,

1 Kings 17:5-8

God miraculously provided for Elijah at the brook. The ravens brought him food. Day and night. The water was plentiful. He had all he needed. God had given him solace. Everything was great, right?

Then Elijah began seeing the river slowly dry up. Most likely it didn’t happen overnight. Each morning he got up and it looked a little lower. I don’t know about you, but I’d have been asking God some questions.

HEY GOD, DO YOU SEE THIS? ARE YOU WORKING ON THIS? I’M KINDA RUNNING OUT.

I know you told me there was gonna be drought, but I kinda figured since I was serving you we’d have a deal worked out. You’ve already got ravens miraculously bringing me food, maybe you can miraculously keep this brook filled?

Look at verse 8. It’s odd. The verse ends with a comma. All it says is “and the Word of the Lord came unto him saying,”

When I was studying for this message, I remember thinking, “that sounds like an incomplete thought”. That’s odd. It’s not odd though, it’s EMPHASIS. There’s a reason God’s Holy Word is structured the way it is.

Go back to verse 7. Notice it says the brook dried up. The brook dries up in verse 7, “AND the word of the Lord” comes in verse 8.

Follow me here, don’t miss this.

What does that tell us? Elijah watched that brook go bone dry. His place of comfort and solace turned into a barren wasteland just like everywhere else. And he saw it happen slowly with his own two eyes. Can’t you see where it would be easy to get a little perturbed with the Lord?

“God, you gave me something good. You gave me a place of safety, a place of rest. A place that was removed from Ahab. Why God?”

I have the word AND in verse 8 underlined in my Bible. This reminds me that there were some specific words of God that didn’t come to Elijah until AFTER that brook had dried up.

There was something specific that God wasn’t going to tell Elijah until that place of comfort and rest was no longer a place of rest. This time, God didn’t give Elijah direction until Elijah’s current predicament wasn’t viable. Short of a miracle, there’s no way to live without water. The brook dried up, THEN God told Elijah where to go next.

How about today?

“God you gave me a good job. I had good hours, good coworkers, nice benefits. Lord I need money to provide for my family. Why God?”
“God, you gave me a soulmate. I thought that was my person. Now they’re gone. Why God? Why would you do that?”
“God, you gave me good health. I’ve always been healthy. I’ve eaten right, I’ve exercised. All of a sudden I’m experiencing this pain. Now I go to the doctor and I’ve got to have this surgery or start taking this medicine. Why God?”

This is where we mess up folks. We need to understand that we don’t find solace, comfort, and peace in the THINGS God gives us. The OPPORTUNITIES God affords us. The PEOPLE God places us with. NO. We find peace and solace in GOD ALONE. All the other stuff is optional. Full stop.

It’s not pleasant to hear folks, but, when it comes to how you live your life in relation to Christ:

The financial benefit of your job is optional.
The companionship of your significant other is optional.
The community of your family is optional
The health of your earthly body is optional.

How do I know this? Job. He lost all of that. He lost his cattle (there goes his money). His wife told him to curse God and die (there goes his companionship). All of his kids are eating at the oldest brother’s house when the house collapses on top of them, killing them all (there went his family). His body was covered in sores (there went his health).

What did Job say?

Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him

Job 13:15

What he’s saying is, regardless of all this, I’m going to trust God and I’m going to do right.

Sometimes, just like Elijah, God brings us to the end of the rope before he tells us where to go next. He brings us right to the cusp of “God I can’t do this anymore”, before the door opens. Many of us have missed out on blessings, and, if we don’t change, will continue to miss out on blessings, because we throw in the towel before that direction comes. We get frustrated and do our own thing. Our mindset isn’t “Though he slay me…”, it’s “While he blesses me…”

This isn’t how we ought to relate to God. We should seek to deepen and mature in our faith. We MUST mature to the point where we look past how God is structuring our physical situation to see how he is structuring our spiritual growth.

9 Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee.

1 Kings 17:9

Zarephath was somewhere between 85 to 100 miles from Cherith, so to travel to Zarephath took faith because Elijah was a marked man.

I was studying some commentary regarding Zarephath from Dr. Robert Jeffress. This is what he said.

Zarephath was eight miles south of Sidon. Sidon was the birthplace of Queen Jezebel, and Zarephath was known for one thing: it was the place where the idols for the worship of Baal were manufactured. Any time you wanted to make an idol or any piece of jewelry, there was a process for doing that. You would take the metal or the gold, you would heat it up until it became in a molten state, and once it was in a liquid state, the impurities of that metal or that gold would rise to the surface and would be skimmed off the top so that the molten gold or metal could be poured pure into the mold and make whatever object was being crafted. And that’s what Zarephath literally means in Hebrew. It means “to smelt” or “to melt.” It refers to the refining process. In fact, the noun form of Zarephath means “the crucible.” And that’s what Zarephath became for Elijah. It was a place where his faith would grow.

Dr. Robert Jeffress

Elijah went from a place of rest to right in the thick of it. The heart of Baal worship.

When we were children, our family took a few family vacations to the mountains. Up around Gatlinburg and such. Mom was very much take it as it comes. See the sights, take unplanned stops, and pop into the little shops. There’s home video evidence. We’re driving down one of those windy mountain roads and she sees a sign for GENUINE apple butter next to a shack out in the middle of nowhere. So we pulled off to the shoulder of the road, and, much to the masked chagrin of my father, investigated. You see, I’m like my father, when I’m going somewhere, I need to know where I’m going, where I’m sleeping, where I’m going to be eating, and the location of the nearest bathroom. There’s a plan in place. A schedule. Howell men don’t play. We ALWAYS want to have the next step figured out.

You see… it’s not like Elijah showed up to Zarephath with his restaurant and hotel already picked out. He went a hundred miles on faith that a poor widow woman would sustain him as God said.

His brook dried up, then God put him in the crucible. Yet another test of faith.

I wonder what Elijah thought. “God, I feel like you strung me out until the last minute at the brook, and now you’re sending me to Jezebel’s home place. What are you doing God?”

Let’s keep reading…

10 So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.

11 And as she was going to fetch it, he called to her, and said, Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand.

12 And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.

1 Kings 17:10-12

Unbeknownst to Elijah, while he’s watching that brook dry up, there’s a mother in Zarephath watching her pantry supplies dwindle.

You see, the entire time Elijah was at the book of Cherith, that widow woman was eating. She and her son were having meal after meal. The meals were getting smaller and smaller, but they were still eating.

God was timing it perfectly. When Elijah arrives in Zarephath, the widow woman is on her last meal before she’s officially out.

What’s the point Sam?

Sometimes God puts you on hold so he can work on somebody else who you need to impact. Who you need to speak to. Who you need to influence. He may keep you stationary, while he gets someone else ready. But when it’s time to move, it’s time to move. And that’s what Elijah did with this widow woman.

I learned how to play chess in the 5th grade. Miss Kinney, the science teacher, thought it would be a good idea for all of us to learn to play. So she took time out of her class to teach us, and I learned to play. I enjoyed it. When I played with my classmates, I was pretty good. I won most of the time. Then, I had to go up against Miss Kinney. She whooped me in like five moves. She barely took any of my pieces, but she put me in checkmate. Her queen piece, the most powerful piece on the board stayed still. At the time, I didn’t understand that with every move she made, she was thinking about a bigger move in the future. And the piece she moved to actually win the game, the queen, the piece that she used to put me in checkmate, she didn’t move until the last move of the game. Everything else was the setup.

Sometimes God is using you as part of the setup, and sometimes you’re the piece that brings the game home.

I can think of a few people God has given me the opportunity to meet and impact, and, for the life of me, I can’t understand why. For instance, there was a boy I met in high school, and I’ll never forget this kid. He walked with a limp. He didn’t smell the best. His clothes were dirty and He was very quiet. Very much a loner.

The first year I was at that high school we still lived 45 minutes away, so either Mom or Dad would come pick me up in the afternoons after they picked up my siblings, and drive us all home. One day I decided to sit next to this kid out on the grass bank and wait for my ride. We began to talk. And we kept talking for the rest of the year. He told me about the shack he lived in. He told me about his family. He showed me the tattered notebook he carried around with him, full of amazing drawings that he’d seen in his mind and put on the page. I talked with him about the Lord. All while we just sat out there waiting for our rides.

I don’t know what happened to him. After that school year ended, I don’t remember ever seeing him again. Maybe he moved, maybe he transferred. I have no idea. I don’t know why God allowed me to meet him and interact with him. I don’t know why he allowed me to be part of the setup. That’s why it is so important that we are faithful to the command of the Holy Spirit.

When he tells you to move you move. When he tells you to speak, you speak. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking to your best friend or a stranger. It doesn’t matter if you’re walking down these aisle to the altar in a church, or walking down the street. We must be faithful to the command of the Holy Spirit.

You see, this widow woman evidently knew something of God as well. There must have been some degree of faith there at some point. How do we know this? Verse 9 tells God commanded her to sustain Elijah before he ever began journeying to Zarephath.

So she’s looking at her dwindling groceries as he’s making that journey thinking, “God, I don’t know how I’m gonna sustain myself, my son, and this prophet you’re sending my way. Lord, this isn’t gonna work.”

And she got defeated. In fact, she threw in the towel. The day Elijah showed up, she’s preparing for her death. Somehow God orchestrated that joker to where Elijah is rolling up at the gate right when she’s there trying to get her firewood for that final meal.

Folks, you need to see that some of us are interacting with people preparing for their final meal. God has placed you in the position to impact, influence, and encourage someone who’s worn out. Who’s done. Already, some of you can think of Christian brothers or sisters who really just need someone to lean on right now. If God has laid that on you, then that person is you, and you need to step up alongside them.

How do we do this? How do we uplift and encourage the person who is at their wit’s end, who seems to have nothing left. There are two predominant Biblical approaches to dealing with people who are in turmoil and distress.

Give them compassion.

Boaz- in Ruth 2 we see he showed compassion on Ruth, allowing her to pick up grain in his fields and drink water from the vessels his servants had drawn.

Joseph - He tells his brothers in Genesis 45 that he will nourish them in the land of Goshen and protect them from the famine that would be across the land for the next 5 years. These men which brought pain on him are now suffering, and he shows them compassion

Tabitha - we see in Acts 9 that she was a woman of great compassion. She made coats and garments for the poor. We know this because the Bible says she was “full of good works and almsdeeds”. Almsdeeds is a translation from the word eleemosune, (el-eh-ay-mos-oo’-nay) which literally means “compassion exercised towards the poor”.

The Bible is chock-full of examples of compassion. We get caught up in thinking compassion is a kind word or a sympathetic look. Those things play a part yes, but true compassion involves action. True compassion involves sacrifice.

Boaz had to sacrifice of his financial gain to give Ruth grain.
At some point, Joseph had to sacrifice his desire for carnal justice to be able to look his brothers in the eyes and seek to help them rather than hurt them.
Tabitha had to sacrifice of her time and energy to weave and stitch and dye those cloaks for people who couldn’t pay her back.

Are you exhibiting compassion to those who are hurting in your life? What have you sacrificed?

Have you sacrificed physically by giving financially, of your time, or of the labor of your hands?
Have you sacrificed emotionally by offering to be the shoulder to cry on or the listening ear?
Have you sacrificed spiritually, laboring in prayer and fasting?

Not only do you need to exhibit compassion like Christ, but you can also…

Give them purpose.

Notice that Elijah gave her a task in verse 10. Here she was, a woman who thought she had nothing left to give. She’d resigned herself to death, and Elijah came and simply asked her to fetch him some water in a vessel

10 So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.

1 Kings 17:10

Sometimes there is a state people reach where they don’t need a sympathetic pat on the back, they need a purpose.

In times of distress and duress, having a purpose is what pulls people through. Our ultimate purpose should be to seek to please God, but that can manifest itself in different ways. There is a time to sit in silence with an aching brother or sister, as Job’s friends did, but there is a time to call to action. There is a time to exude a presence in a person’s life, and there is a time to point to a purpose. Point them back to God.

13 And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son.

14 For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth.

15 And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house, did eat many days.

1 Kings 17:13-15

See what Elijah did here in these verses? What began as a simple task eventually was used to point back to God.

In your interactions, are you pointing back to God? In the steps that you take every day, are you seeking to glorify Him?

But Sam, all Elijah did was ask for some water and bread. No. Elijah asked that woman to demonstrate her faith one more time and stretch herself just a little bit farther.

I’ve underlined the word first in verse 13. Do you really think he didn’t know she was on her last leg? She was a widow in ancient Israel. The majority of them were poor and destitute.

Still, Elijah gives her a task. He asked to her to sacrifice herself and honor God by helping another person FIRST. He asked her to shift her focus from her present situation to a new opportunity.

It seems almost backward to say it, but life becomes more meaningful TO YOU when you don’t live it FOR ME.

The Lord is teaching me that during the times in my life

when my brook dries up,
when I get called to Zaraphath,
and when he places hurting people in my path,

I find answers, peace, and satisfaction by choosing to live for HIM, rather than for ME.

In all thy acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 3:6

If that path means I’m sleeping next to a barren brook, or traveling to a bad city, or ministering to a broken person, I’m going to follow it, because I’m living a life for Him, and not for me.

Some of you don’t understand this line of thought, because you don’t have that relationship with Jesus. You’ve never accepted him as Savior, you’ve never had your sins washed away. You haven’t accepted the pardon offered by the blood of Jesus, and, as such, you currently stand condemned to an eternity of torment. If that’s you this morning, I’d like you to consider the case of United States v. George Wilson

In 1829 two men, George Wilson and James Porter, robbed a United States mail carrier. Both were subsequently captured and tried in a court of law. In May 1830 both men were found guilty of six charges, including robbery of the mail “and putting the life of the driver in jeopardy.” Both Wilson and Porter received their sentences: Execution by hanging, to be carried out on July 2.

Porter was executed on schedule, but Wilson was not. Influential friends pleaded for mercy to the President of the United States, Andrew Jackson, on his behalf. President Jackson issued a formal pardon, dropping all charges. Wilson would have to serve only a prison term of 20 years for his other crimes. Incredibly, George Wilson refused the pardon!

What do you do with a man who refuses a pardon? The case made it all the way to the supreme Court, where the chief Justice wrote a pardon is a piece of paper whose value is conferred by the person to which it applies. If you don’t accept the pardon, you have to serve the punishment. God is offering a way out. He has given you a pardon, but if you don’t accept it you still have to serve the time. And that time is eternity in hellfire.

The Bible plainly teaches we all are sinners, people who have repeatedly broken God’s laws. For instance,

Romans 3:23 states, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

1 John 1:8 says “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”

What about the penalty of sin – what are the consequences?

We are told in Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death…”.

The Old Testament concurs in Ezekiel 18:4 ” …the soul that sinneth, it shall die.”

That does not sound like good news, but God has provided a pardon, one He makes available to us all.

In Isaiah 55 it says,

Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon****._

If you have not already done so, the question is this: Will you receive or reject the pardon? We each must choose.

John 3:18 says “He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”

If the Lord has spoken to your heart, you need to respond. If you’re watching that brook dry up, and you’re in need of direction, now is the time to ask for patience and faith. If you’re in Zarephath, and you feel like you’re surrounded, now is the time to ask for strength. If you are burdened for a broken person, now is the time to lift them up to the Lord. If you’ve never accepted the pardon, the Bible says today is the day of salvation. You can become a new creature today. I encourage you to reach out to me if you have any questions.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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You should start running

Sep 14, 2023

I’m pretty sure at one time cavemen sat around fires and argued about what was more important: cardio or weightlifting. Can’t you just hear the conversation in your head? Picture it. Two hairy men, Meathead and Zippy, holding mutton sticks, deep in the throes of passionate conversation one night out by the fire…

Meathead: “Dude, I’m telling you, you’re not going to outrun a pterodactyl. That joker’s got wings. You need to be strong enough to beat him up when he tries to land on you.

Zippy: Nah bro listen. If I could keep up a steady pace, bobbing and weaving through the underbrush, there’s no way he could keep up with me. I just have to make it to the cover of the treeline

Meathead: Alright, well what about those stegosauruses? Them boys can fit you in their mouth with room to spare. Surely we can agree you need to be strong enough to fight them off?

Zippy: Stegosauruses are herbivores you idiot…

Do you catch my drift? All jokes aside, there is a huge debate today regarding where a man should allot the majority of his exercise time. Should he be hitting the trails, or lifting dumbbells? There are good arguments for both sides, and we explore both of them here on the site, but, as you can tell by the title of this post, we’re going to be dealing with the importance of establishing a good cardio routine today.

I talked about this a bit regarding jumping rope, but there is something about a good cardio session that is hard to top. When you get out on the open road, or you’re on the treadmill in that zen zone, it’s pretty peaceful. When all you’re thinking is breathe in, breathe out, there isn’t too much you can focus on to worry about.

You see… I’m somewhat of a chronic worrier, so I learned in my early years of high school that I needed an outlet. I needed something that was healthy that I could use to knock my stress levels down, while also keeping me in shape. Because of my rigorous academic schedule, I didn’t play sports, and I didn’t want to have to pay for a gym membership for a bunch of specialized weightlifting equipment, so I got a pair of running shoes and hit the road. It also helped that I had a crush on a friend of mine who ran track at the time. We’d sometimes go out on weeknights and run loops in her neighborhood for her training. There was NO SHOT I wasn’t gonna be the best I could be for the ladies to see.

So I got into it. I wore my Hoka Rincons out till the treads were falling off. In fact, as I’m writing this article, I’m in the process of cooling down from a run. I really enjoy it that much. If you are a boy or man who leads a sedentary life, it’s time for change. You don’t have to be Trevor Lawrence, but no one should ever be able to look at you in good faith and describe you as a couch potato. Cardio is the best way to get out of that funk. The two easiest and most accessible forms? Jump rope, and running. So let’s go ahead and examine some benefits of becoming addicted to the latter, shall we?

Manage your weight

There comes a time when the metabolism of your teenage years wears off. Or maybe you feel like you never had any to begin with. Regardless, running is one of the easiest ways to control weight gain. When I went into college, I was the only one in my friend group that didn’t experience a “freshman 15”. This is where bad eating habits (and sometimes drinking habits) are paired with a more sedentary stage of life. Statistically, college kids eat late, they stress eat, and they eat more fast food. How do we combat this? Well, you could just NOT DO THAT, but how realistic is that? I currently average 58 hours at work every week. I’m out of college and I STILL eat late. I may partake in a stress bowl of ice cream occasionally as well. BUT, I do cardio. Running is a high-intensity cardiovascular exercise that burns a significant number of calories. As you engage in regular running or jogging, you can create a calorie deficit, which is essential for weight loss. Additionally, running boosts your metabolism, helping you burn more calories even when you’re at rest. Thus, I can afford the stress ice cream or the 9 pm dinner and still hover around the same weight, because my intake-output on the calorie count is balanced by running.

Improved Cardiovascular Health

Cardiovascular is a big word, but we’re basically just talking about “heart health”. Running is an excellent way to promote cardiovascular health. It strengthens the heart muscle, improves blood circulation, and lowers the risk of heart disease. Regular running can help raise your “good” HDL (high-density lipoprotein) cholesterol levels and lower your “bad” LDL (low-density lipoprotein) cholesterol levels, reducing the buildup of plaque in your arteries and decreasing the risk of hypertension. Heart disease is a genetic problem in my family, so I make a conscious effort to partake in cardio for the specific reason of warding off possibilities for problems to develop. The health benefits are running are interesting to read about. Numerous studies have linked regular running and jogging to increased longevity. Engaging in these activities can reduce the risk of chronic diseases, such as diabetes, stroke, and certain types of cancer. You can never be too careful with those kinds of things!

Stress Reduction

I’m a professional stressor. I’m so unhinged that I’ll make up junk to stress about if there is nothing pressing on me immediately. Forget pre-gaming, I’ll pre-stress in a heartbeat (no pun intended). That’s why cardio is like crack. It removes the ability for me to stress, because, in that moment, I can’t focus on anything other than my feet and my breath. And, if I’m able to get in a really good session, I can’t even stress laying in bed at night, because I’m so tired I’ll go right to sleep!

Finding healthy ways to cope with stress is essential. I know people who turn to alcohol, hookup culture, drugs, shopping binges, food binges, and other negative responses when they get stressed out. They do this because these things provide endorphin rushes. Endorphins are the “feel-good” hormones in your brain. Do you know what other activity releases those? You guessed it. Cardio. These endorphins can help reduce anxiety, boost your mood, and alleviate stress, leaving you feeling more relaxed and content. I know some of you are saying “Sam, I’m definitely not relaxed when I’m gasping for breath and I’ve got sweat burning my eyes.” I doubt you are. But when you finish that half mile, or mile, or 5K, and slow to a walk, that’s when the rush hits. Every bone and tendon is limber from movement. It is the most relaxing feeling. You’re doing yourself a disservice if you haven’t tried it.

Stronger muscles and a stronger mind

Wait a minute Sam, you just said there was a difference between weightlifting and running. There is, but you can still strengthen your muscles with cardio just as you can with weightlifting. It’s just not in the same way. Running is a weight-bearing exercise, which means it helps build and strengthen both muscles and bones. The repetitive impact of running stimulates bone growth and density, reducing the risk of osteoporosis as you age. Furthermore, running engages various muscle groups, including your legs, core, and even upper body if you swing your arms while running. This can lead to increased muscle tone and overall strength.

Running isn’t just beneficial for your body; it also has positive effects on your mind. Regular runners often report improved mental clarity, better concentration, and enhanced cognitive function. This could be attributed to the increased blood flow and oxygen to the brain, which can help sharpen your mental faculties and boost creativity. I majored in Computer Science in college, with a minor in Math. I can tell you without a doubt that there were nights I would be stuck on an algorithm or a math problem I was doing for homework. I would put down my pencil and go for a run. When I came back, the problem would look COMPLETELY different, and I’d be able to solve it and move on. It’s almost as if my brain would approach it a different way, or the run acted as a “reset” of sorts, helping me step back from the weeds of the problem and see the solution better.

Get in the habit now.

All in all, I can say I’m glad that I established the habit of running early on, and I would encourage you to do the same with some form of cardio. That being said, there was a night when I went on a run to blow off steam and ended up messing my knee up for months. My foot landed on a rock wrong, twisting my leg, and I tried to run through the pain. Dumbest idea ever. Don’t do that. But definitely try to get into the habit of cardio.

If you’ve never done consistent cardio before and you want to try running, start small. Do a quarter-mile jog or half-mile jog 3 days a week: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Recover on your Tuesdays and Thursdays, and take the weekend off. Drink plenty of water before and after every session, and never go from running to standing still. You always need to walk a short time AFTER you run as a cool-down period, to prevent cramps. If you get a runner’s cramp while running, you can either slow to a walk, breathe deep and run through it, or eat a mustard packet straight (that stuff is like magic sometimes) As you get more comfortable, the runner’s cramp will disappear and you will be able to increase your distances.

As of this writing, for my workouts, I’ll usually run a mile or two and then do a full-body workout with dumbbells in the gym a few times a week. If I’m just running, I’ll do 3 miles. That’s the sweet spot for me, but you find what works best for you. Remember, when it comes to exercise and establishing healthy habits, it’s not how much you can do. Rather it’s simply that you do. Don’t procrastinate. You’ll thank yourself tomorrow.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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Don't Prop Up Your Idols

Sep 13, 2023

Read

1 Samuel 5:1-12

1 And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it from Ebenezer unto Ashdod.

2 When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.

3 And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the earth before the ark of the Lord. And they took Dagon, and set him in his place again.

4 And when they arose early on the morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the ground before the ark of the Lord; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off upon the threshold; only the stump of Dagon was left to him.

5 Therefore neither the priests of Dagon, nor any that come into Dagon’s house, tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod unto this day.

6 But the hand of the Lord was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

7 And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god.

8 They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel? And they answered, Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto Gath. And they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither.

9 And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the Lord was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

10 Therefore they sent the ark of God to Ekron. And it came to pass, as the ark of God came to Ekron, that the Ekronites cried out, saying, They have brought about the ark of the God of Israel to us, to slay us and our people.

11 So they sent and gathered together all the lords of the Philistines, and said, Send away the ark of the God of Israel, and let it go again to his own place, that it slay us not, and our people: for there was a deadly destruction throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there.

12 And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven.

Reflect

After taking the ark of God 1 Samuel 4, the Philistines bring it to the house/temple of Dagon, the grain god. They then placed the ark next to this huge statue. The next day, the Statue of Dagon was lying on its face before the ark. They reset it in its place in the temple, standing it back upright. The next day, Dagon was lying before the ark again, this time with his head and hands chopped off. Spooked, the Philistines proceeded to pass the ark between different cities, but God brought similar nuisance and destruction to each city it came to, giving the citizens hemorrhoids as punishment

Remember

Have you ever tried to make God share space with an idol in your life? Perhaps it was a relationship with a girl, a sport, or career, or a pastime. How did that work out? It amazes me the steps that we sometimes go through to “prop our Dagons up” after God has broken them down. Just as the Philistines did, we try to justify the gods we’ve made beside the God we didn’t make. God will not allow this, for He is holy. God will show his power and he will get his glory. These Philistines had no relationship with God, yet he still showed them that their idols were meaningless and powerless. Imagine how much more he would demonstrate this to a child of His. Because He loves us, He breaks us of our idols. He has to slice and chop them up to show how insignificant they are when next to him.

Knowing that, isn’t it sad when we run back to our idols? As I said earlier, we prop them up again. God brings people, believers, and non-believers, to the realization of Him, yet they run back to carnal solutions and carnal pleasures attempting to remedy their spiritual problems. Some get so aggravated that they move on from God entirely. They want the ark in another city, far away from them. They don’t want to be reminded of the frailty of their idols, the meaninglessness of their self-centered lives, and the judgment that will come. It doesn’t work that way though. In the end, God will get your attention. The Bible says that every knee will bow. You can’t escape His glory, and you can’t escape His judgment.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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Why you need to memorize Scripture

Sep 10, 2023

If you were to sit in any preaching service, or a Sunday School, at some point you would inevitably hear about the importance of Scripture. It is essential that we take time each day to reflect on and read the Word of God. I heard this truth for years before I started taking real steps to make it a part of my life. What changed for me to make this happen?

I learned the importance of the “input-output” principle. It’s really simple, so many people brush over it and miss it.

What goes in, comes out.

The Input-Output Principle

This is applicable in every area of your life: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What I eat comes out through my digestive system. What I read and hear structures how I think. Who and what I allow into my emotional sphere influences how I feel. What I allow into my spiritual life influences my walk with Christ.

The input-output principle isn’t something I just made up. It’s backed up Biblically in Matthew 15:17-18.

Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught? But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

Matthew 15:17-18

So, it would make perfect sense then for me to surround myself with good things. Things that edified my mind, spirit, and body right? Of course. The hang-up is the fact that we live in a sin-cursed world. Short of being a hermit in the woods (which is something you should never do, as it cripples your ability to fulfill the Great Commission), you will have exposure to sinful behavior.

The issue that many of us have is that we don’t simply experience sinful exposure through our daily life, we gravitate towards it. We intentionally listen to that music, watch those movies, or read those books. We intentionally hang out with those friends, go to that party, or work social, or get-together. The reason we do this is because, in our minds, there is a wall between the Word and our hearts.

For instance, many would agree that the verse that says “Set your affections on things above, and not things below” is a really good verse. Shoot, some would even say it would make a good bumper sticker, Instagram caption, or T-shirt graphic. Sadly, that is the farthest that many of us would go to to incorporate that Scripture in our lives. When we felt the urge to set our affections on lustful things, dangerous things, or other sinful things, that verse would probably not be the first thing that came to our mind. Why? Because, for many of us, it simply wouldn’t be there. Why? Because we haven’t memorized it.

I would say that verse memorization is the most overlooked and underutilized tool in the Christian toolbox. This is why, as Men of Might, we must make an intentional effort to make Scripture memory part of our daily routine and our daily habit, lest we be caught unaware when temptation strikes. After all, Scripture is the most powerful deterrent to any temptation. How do I know this? Well, this is the tactic that Jesus used to overcome Satan in Matthew 4.

1Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.

2 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.

3 And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.

4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Matthew 4:1-4

I would encourage you to read the whole story, rather than simply the snippet I have provided. 3 times Jesus is tempted by Satan. 3 times he responded with “It is written…” That tells me that Jesus memorized Scripture. If I am to truly model my life after His, I must as well.

It is important to know that the original Greek word for “hungred” in verse 2 was peinao (pronounced pi-nah’-o). Jesus wasn’t hungry like you and I are when we have an early breakfast and it’s getting close to lunchtime. No. That Greek word means He was absolutely famished. He craved something to eat, and the devil offered him a way to get food, but Jesus refused.

The message here is twofold. Not only are we to memorize Scripture because it’s a wise thing to do to combat the wiles of Satan, but also because we must be fed. Notice verse 4. Jesus compares the Scriptures to physical bread. The sustenance of our physical life is physical food (like bread). Our bodies break down these foods into nutrients that we use to grow and sustain ourselves. Without food, we starve and die. A child who does not eat will not grow. Similarly, a Christian who doesn’t feast on the Word of God will not grow.

Do you want to know why you can’t seem to get a grip on yourself? Do you want to know why you can’t seem to defeat that giant in your life or that secret sin? Could it be because you haven’t grown? I don’t doubt that some of you are trying to stand up to the giants in your life. But, if you’ve starved yourself to the point where you are spiritually weak, then the slightest breeze of temptation will send you tumbling to the ground.

There’s only one way to improve your predicament. You must get in the Word. You must “Hide it in your heart” so that when temptations come, the Holy Spirit brings the truth of God’s Words to your mind. Doing so will enable you to stand against the fiery darts of the Devil just as Jesus did.

Now, if you don’t know Jesus as your Savior, then that must be the first step. A habit of Scripture memorization will be of no benefit to you because you have not received The Holy Spirit to interpret it in your soul. You may be able to admire the beauty of the Words of God from a superficial standpoint and understand what they mean in a generalized sense, but the rich knowledge that comes with truly understanding it only comes after you’ve given your life to Christ.

I’m always one for practical application. Too many people blab their mouths, flap their jaws, and never take any real action. I will be the first to admit that Scripture memorization is something that I will be working on for the rest of my life. I have a whiteboard in my kitchen with verses I’m working on memorizing. As I make my lunch in the morning and as I’m driving to work, I take time to rehearse Scripture. If my mind is racing at night as I lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I try to rehearse Scripture. This is what I have found works best for me. It is up to you to find a part of your day where you can incorporate it

When I feel tempted, I am working on training my gut response to be “What does God’s Word have to say about this?”, rather than simply falling into whatever it is. As I continue to learn and memorize verses, the answer to that question is becoming easier and quicker to find. It will be for you too if you apply yourself.

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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Am I Enough?

Sep 9, 2023

On May 28, 2023, the Lord enrolled me in a new class. It was a class I’d never taken before, and I wasn’t sure if I even had the proper prereqs, but He put me in it anyway. It was a “make-or-break-it” class. It was the kind of class where you go in and figure out whether you are cut out for the major or not. Sadly, I knew up front that it wasn’t something that I was gonna either pass or fail in a semester. This was a self-paced course. Some people finish it quicker than others. Seems like some people never finish it at all. The class was Heartbreak 101. The major? A Bachelor’s in Loneliness.

Shut up Sam. You’re being dramatic. Really huh? Alright… maybe I’m taking the school analogy a bit too far, with the class names and stuff, but the feelings discussed in the analogy are 100 percent valid. Listen man… I’d been burned and spurned by girls before. I’d been rebuffed, rejected, neglected, and subjected to plenty of puppy love and petty drama. Sometimes it was my fault, and sometimes it wasn’t. But, through all of that, I’d never been crushed. Until Sunday, May 28th. I’m talking about spending a whole day in bed crushed. It was the put your phone on silent, turn out the lights, and stare at the wall, crushed. The kind where you pull 60-hour weeks at work, then come home late and work out at the gym every night because you want to be so tired that you don’t even dream about her when you’re asleep. I was in a bad spot.

See, in May of 2022, I met an amazing girl at a summer camp where I worked. I was a counselor, and she was on the housekeeping staff. She was on luggage duty that first week, and I had dropped by the luggage tent to grab some of my campers’ suitcases. I completely forgot what I was looking for within seconds of arriving, because right there in the middle of all the suitcases and sleeping bags and backpacks, was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen. She had stormy blue eyes and curly brown hair, and, as I would later come to find, a heart that loved the Lord.

I wasted no time walking over to her that day to crack some dumb joke and ask her her name. Over that summer, we formed a friendship. She was an excellent listener, and when I would have to deal with campers with rough backgrounds, or trauma, she was my go-to for solid advice and encouragement. On the weekends, we’d hang out. We’d get with a group of friends and play games like ping pong and spicy Uno. One night, the two of us spent an hour trying to shoot a ping pong ball off a water bottle with Nerf gun. I goaded her every time she missed. Eventually, she’d had enough and playfully swung the gun in my direction and pulled the trigger, saying maybe the reason she was missing was because she wasn’t aiming at the right target. The foam dart flew perfectly through the air and knocked the left lens out of my glasses! She immediately dropped to the floor to look for it, apologizing profusely and promising to fix it. I calmed her down, stifling laughter, and told her that was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. That moment encapsulated her gentle, kind, and humorous nature, and I realized right then I was hooked. I was either gonna get the catch of my life, or that hook was gonna rip my heart right out of my chest.

I formed a friendship with her older brother, who was also a counselor, and eventually got the opportunity to meet all 8 of her siblings. Every single one of them knew who I was before I’d even met them. I was the guy head over heels for their sister. Evidently, not only was I being shipped by all my fellow counselors, and my cabin of boys each week, but also by her family as well! As the summer neared its end, I remember having a conversation with her one night. It was time to re-up, and she was pensive about signing up to work as a counselor in 2023. She was worried she wouldn’t know what to say or do. I told her she needed to go for it, as she’d basically been my stand-in sister counselor for most of the summer. She finally agreed.

Fall came and I went home to wrap up college. She went home to Greenville, doing housecleaning, babysitting, and helping with the family business. Still, I made it a point to call, text, and Facetime. I was in it to win it fellas. I went up and spent some weekends with her and her family, getting to know her parents, grandparents, and friends. As the semester went on, she was the one I went to regarding church stuff, the job hunt, and then eventually the apartment hunt. I tried my hardest to get a job near the Greenville area, but all the interviews fell through and God shut the door. Still, I kept on.

I moved to Charleston, SC in January of 2023. 3 hours away from her. Spring came and I began to get a little braver. She knew I didn’t want to be friends, even though that’s where we’d been sitting for seven months. In my mind, other than the distance, everything was perfect. We complimented each other greatly. She’d expressed interest in being a stay-at-home mom. With the job the Lord had blessed me with, I could support an entire family on my salary. She loved the Lord, I loved the Lord. She knew her Bible. She was a great sister to her siblings, a great daughter to her parents, and a great friend to her friends. We had great banter. It seemed that her family thought that I was great, and mine seemed to like her. She’d told me she supported traditional gender roles, and she wasn’t the kind to wait around forever for marriage and babies and building a life.

I kept on falling. I wrote songs about her and dreamed about her. The night my Papa died, she texted me out of the blue. We ended up getting on a call and talking for hours. I sat right on the floor in my apartment living room and cried my heart out right over the phone. I was at an awfully low point, and she was there. This only validated what I felt even more. Sure enough, a month later I told her I loved her.

All you guys reading this… never say those words to a woman unless you mean it, and you’re in a position where you’re willing to act on it. A guy who throws around the “L” word to get a woman to sleep with him is a mongrel. A boy who uses the “L” word with a high school crush is ignorant. In the process of romance, if a man tells a woman that he loves her, but he knows he has no intention of putting a ring on his finger, he’s a dirtbag. Full stop. Once you’ve said those words, you’ve handed her a piece of you that you won’t get back. In a perfect world, she loves and cherishes you as much as you do her, and nothing will go awry. Alas, that’s not always the case.

When I said those words and she didn’t say them back, I should’ve known. But I refused to see it. She said she didn’t know how she felt or what she wanted. She liked our friendship. I wanted more. I told her I couldn’t be friends forever. I said verbatim, “If we’re talking years from now, we’re going to be married”. Her response? “Well, obviously”. She said she couldn’t know unless we spent more time together. I took that as a good sign. A few weeks later, the weekend of May 28th, I went to work at 4 a.m. on Friday morning so I could get off in time to drive up that night. And so the weekend it began.

That following Saturday night, she had a babysitting gig, so I helped her father put a new counter with sinks in her and her sisters’ bathroom. As we worked, he asked me questions. Questions about my job, my plans, and my goals. Questions about my intentions. I was forthright and honest. He seemed satisfied. Everything was going along as expected. I wasn’t about to drop to a knee and propose, but I felt like I was getting the green light to at least begin pursuing a relationship that went deeper than friendship. I figured it had to be God’s timing, because, after all, I’d been waiting for A YEAR.

So the next afternoon, right before I left, I asked her if I could call her on the weekends during the summer (while she was away working as a counselor). She looked me straight in the eyes and said “I’d prefer not”. My world flipped. I didn’t know what to say, so I think I said “That’s fine”, and that was the end of it. My last image of her is her standing on her front porch in my rearview, watching me drive off. I barely remember the three-hour drive home that afternoon. I kept hoping she’d call or reach out. She never did. We exchanged obligatory birthday texts in August. A little life update text in September. Radio silence otherwise.

As I write this, I still don’t know what happened. There was no falling out and no drama. She has no idea how much that sentence broke me. But the oddest part is that I’m not mad at her. She wanted to be friends, and I didn’t. She rebuffed my advances and made it clear how she felt. Part of me wonders if the radio silence is a blessing. I’m pretty sure when she saw my face that afternoon, she knew I’d never be able to handle “just friends”, so she’s not going to try to force me to. I could call her right now and she’d pick up. But it would be as friends, and I can’t go back on what I meant when I said I loved her. If I saw her or talked to her, I’d still want more, and that would make it hard on both of us.

4 months have passed and I’m still not over it yet, but I know will be one day. The Lord has a girl out there that, when I see her, I will be thankful for this time of aloneness and heartbreak. Sam, that’s a really weird statement that sounds like some junk out of a self-help book.

Wait a minute guys. Let me explain. The sooner we get this the sooner we’ll excel in our relationships with the ladyfolk. Here it is, the golden crux, the main point…

She either is, or she isn’t. (any Louis Jordan fans out there???)

That’s two sides of the same coin Sam. Yep, it is. Yet, it seems like some of us still don’t get it. Listen.

If she is the one, then a love that grows from a time of separation is a love that will last. If she isn’t the one, then God has the actual one still waiting in the wings, and, by His grace, I dodged a bullet.

Regardless of how I feel in the moment, when I step back and look at the big picture, I realize I don’t lose either way IF I approach it God’s way.

So, while that coin is spinning in the air, and you don’t know if it’s going to land on heads or tails, what do you do? In that season of life where you are in a “don’t know” moment in regard to your relationships, what do you do? This is what I’ve asked God, and this is the answer He gave me.

Am I enough?

You see, Satan has a way of perverting the truth of God. That three-word statement has been perverted beyond belief in our culture. People miss this all the time. The “I” in that question isn’t you. It’s Jesus.

If I ask that question about myself, I’d have to begin the long, arduous journey down the path of self-help. I would have to do ridiculous self-affirmations in the mirror every morning, telling my reflection how valuable it is. I’d have to eat a gallon of ice cream in my bathrobe, then post a selfie of me with the empty carton on social media. The caption would have to be some nonsense about me enjoying dating myself. It would all be somewhat narcissistic and pitiful. I’m enough because my God is enough.

However, if Jesus looks at me, and asks me if HE is enough in my life, then I have to respond in a completely different way. Suddenly, the focus is shifted to “How can I better please Him?”, rather than “How can I better please me?”. Yes, I can say without a doubt that I think it would please me to have that girl RIGHT NOW. It would please me to see that relationship go in the direction I want it to RIGHT NOW. But would that please the Lord? After all, He is omniscient and all-knowing. While oft-quoted and oft-misrepresented, the truth of Jeremiah 29:11 still rings true.

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Jeremiah 29:11

So… if He wants what’s best for me, and there’s an expected end that He wants to bring me to, then He obviously knows the steps I need to take to get there. Let’s think this through logically. This is the thought process we all must take if we are to be men of might in our relationships.

Pray He’s in it.

As I’m pursuing a relationship, I’m praying that the Lord be in it. I know that He is listening to that prayer because I’m a child of His. Look here at Matthew 7:9-11

9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Matthew 7:9-11

Pray He steers it.

I’m asking for a good thing (God’s direction in my relationship). God tells me in His Holy Word that he will give good things to his children when they ask Him, and God cannot lie. Thus, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He is providing direction.

Therefore, if I, while maintaining my integrity and conduct, repeatedly attempt to steer a relationship in a certain direction and it’s not working, then it only makes sense that someone more powerful than me is steering in a different direction. In other words, God is keeping me from shooting myself in the foot. For reasons I can’t explain, He is preventing me from going down a path that He knows will be detrimental to me.

All that said, keep in mind that God doesn’t contradict himself. If you have entered a marital relationship with a woman, God won’t steer you in the direction of divorce

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:6

Pray He teaches you.

However, if you are seeking that mate, and you’ve brought that request before God repeatedly, yet you still are in a place of loneliness, don’t give up hope. Let’s apply it to my situation. If I stay in a place of pity and “woe is me”, then I am effectively telling God that I valued a relationship with this girl more than I value my relationship with Him. This is a dangerous position to be in men. Here’s the Hierarchy of Importance for relationships.

In the hierarchy of importance, your relationship with the Lord comes first, followed by your relationship with your female mate, followed by your relationship with your kids, then everyone else.

If you get this order wrong, then your life will go wrong. You will not reach the potential that you have. Your relationships will not be as satisfying, successful, or fulfilling, because you neglected to put first things first. Sadly, some men don’t figure this out until they’ve already said “I do” at the altar. If you’re in that position, 2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us that God’s grace is sufficient, and He can work and move in our lives in spite of our weaknesses and the past mistakes we’ve made. If you haven’t made that mistake, thank the Lord and continue to seek His face as you look for the right girl. The Lord is teaching me about the importance of this order and His design in real-time. I am thankful for this, because, when the time is right and the girl is right, I will understand this very important principle, and THAT will make our connection much deeper and much stronger. (And that means I’ll have passed the class)

This article originally appeared on Fill in the Gap.

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